This Memo Thing

So does anybody understand this memo thing going on in Washington DC?

 

Does anyone outside of Washington DC even care about this memo thing?

 

OK, here’s the thing: this guy in Congress, Devin Nunes, is on an intelligence committee which is looking into the whole Russia mess (which is its own whole other thing). This committee gets a bunch of information and shit so Nunes writes a book report on it.

OK, he didn’t write it, he got the nerdy kids in office to write it. Nunes and the nerdy kids in his office are all Republicans who are trying to help out their good buddy, Li’l Donnie Trump.

 

So this book report…or memo basically comes to the conclusion that the FBI’s whole investigation in predicated on discredited information and they should leave poor ol’ Donnie alone!

 

The “discredited information” is something called the Steele dossier where this British spy dude named Steele was checking out for any funky shit going down between Trump and the Russians.  Steele’s whole thing was started up and paid for by Republicans during the primaries in 2016 because, damn it, that damn moron Trump keeps winning primaries. Once Trump gets the delegates to score the Republican Party nomination for president, the Republicans dropped the deal.

 

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” said the Democrats as Steele started to put his dossier stuff in a trash can. “Don’t throw that out! We wanna look at it.” So now the Democrats are paying Steele. 

 

In Nunes memo, he only cites Democrats as funding the dossier. Guess which side this is taking?

 

Anyway, the FBI gets a hold of the dossier and they take a look.

 

“Holy shit! Trump had who pee on what?!” 

 

It seems Steele’s report had some good stuff but a lot of other stuff that could not be or had not been proven. So the FBI steps back from the dossier. “No, man. We’re good.” 

 

Nunes in his memo asserts the FBI used the Steele dossier to get a warrant to tap the phone of  Carter Page in 2016.

 

Who the fuck is Carter Page?!

 

Carter Page is yet another Trump guy with suspicious ties to the Russians.

 

I’m wondering, was there anybody in Trump’s circle that did NOT have suspicious ties to the Russians? 

 

Anyway, Carter Page was on the FBI’s radar for years. The FBI knew that Page was up to some bad shit with the Russians way before Steele ever came along.  But they had to prove it! So they got a warrant to spy on Carter Page.

 

There’s some hoops the FBI has to jump through to get the OK to spy on a U.S. citizen. Lots of different people have to sign off on saying, “OK, go spy on somebody.”  And among the people who sign off on the order to OK spying on Carter Page are people who are or were investigating Trump’s involvement with the Russians.

 

Devin Nunes stabs the air with a pale crooked finger and shouts, “A-HA! I’ve got them!” 

 

Ipso facto! And Shazam! The FBI is in league with the Democrats to bring down Li’l Donnie Trump! 

 

OK, this is the moment when Jessica Fletcher from Murder She Wrote would show up to tell Nunes to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.  Those dots only connect if you’re a paranoid shit for brains.

 

All right, all of this is a broad simplification of the matter but the basic through line holds: the Nunes memo picked certain elements of the intelligence his committee received which supported a narrative that the FBI is out to get Donald Trump for the benefit of the Democrats. Nunes is accusing a historically non-partisan agency of acting for partisan gain.

 

Fuck you, Devin Nunes! The FBI is after the truth about Russian meddling in our election and if Trump is at the center of it, it’s his own damn fault for hanging out with so many idiots with suspicious ties to the fucking Russians! 

All you did with your little "memo" is create an environment of confusion and distrust, using facts you were trusted with to fashion on your preferred fiction. 

Damn.

OK, I'm done. Laters!