Gratitude

Since today is Thanksgiving, let’s talking about being thankful.

 

Let’s talk about gratitude.

 

When life feels “wrong”, it’s hard to remember all the things we can be grateful for. 

 

Objectively speaking, on the scales that weigh what is good in my life vs. what is wrong in my life, the scale that holds the good sinks under its weight down to the floor. The side with the bad rises high, unhindered by the relative pea sized ball of worry.

 

But guess which scale holds my attention?

 

I know compared to some many people, I have much to be grateful for.

 

A home, a job that pays the bills, a wife who stands by me no matter what, a daughter who I adore and I am very proud of. And so much more.

 

But the wiring in my head dwells on the obstacles, the pain, the limitations, the frustrations.

 

Make no mistake, the  obstacles, the pain, the limitations and the frustrations are, each in their own way, real.  But should the negative stand on the same level as the positive?

 

If a good day is a day without anything negative, there will never be a good day.

 

But so much of the space in my head is dedicated to the negative. 

 

If I may, I want to talk about Cory.

 

Cory is someone I go to church with, sing in the choir with. We’ve actually gone out to dinner a few times in the past, a guy’s night out sort of thing. I could say Cory is a friend. 

 

A few months back, Cory was diagnosed with cancer. He would have to undergo chemotherapy to beat back this disease. He announced his diagnosis on Facebook with a photo on himself in a t-shirt that read “Fuck Cancer”.

 

How cool is that, a church going person using the word “fuck”. I was impressed.

 

In the intervening weeks, Cory posted updates on his ongoing chemotherapy treatments, always with a positive attitude and a sense of humor. He referred to the chemo pump as “Pump McPumpface”. 

 

I still saw Cory at church on Sunday mornings. He seemed to be in good spirits but physically, he looked pale and gaunt. For al the positivity and humor, chemo was rough on him.

 

But it appears that chemo has been effective. The latest update reports that he is nearly clear of the cancer. He and his whole family pose with a photo of all of them sporting “Fuck Cancer” t-shirts.

 

Hell yeah! Fuck cancer!

 

For all that he has endured, all the pain from the cancer and the chemotherapy used to treat it, the message foremost in his mind was one of gratitude.

 

I can’t say I would have been as strong in similar circumstances.

 

Hell, I can barely tolerate having a sinus headache. How many times on this blog have I bitched about my face hurting? Whenever I have a sinus infection, I think that the results of either getting better or simply dying are win-win scenarios.

 

What would I do if I had cancer?  “Well, doc, I guess I’m gonna die then.”  The doctor would be prattling on about treatments, radiation, chemotherapy, surgery and what all and I would just say, “You know, that sounds like too much work. Let’s call it a day, why don’t we?” 

 

On the national stage, Jeopardy host Alex Trebek is battling pancreatic cancer. By all accounts, the chemotherapy treatment for this cancer can really do a number on a person, both physically and emotionally. Alex has noted in interviews the intense effect chemo has had on him.  One particular problem is the chemo leaves him with mouth sores which makes talking difficult.

 

And yet…

 

Since his diagnosis and the start of his treatment, Alex Trebek has not missed one single taping of an episode of Jeopardy. And when you see him on screen, he remains the genial host he has always been. If we didn’t know that Alex has cancer, you certainly cannot tell from his demeanor and his attitude. 

 

And when he talks about the challenge of having cancer and the rigors he has endured in fighting it, Alex Trebek always goes back to gratitude. He is thankful for all that he has done, is doing and hopes to do. 

 

It’s hard to imagine I would be so gracious while confronting so much pain. 

 

But the truth is that there is so much more to be thankful for than there is to regret.

 

It’s hard for me to see that as often as I should. 

 

Maybe it’s a matter of simply taking the time.

 

There’s a particularly moving sequence in A Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood where Fred Rogers and Lloyd Vogel are having lunch in a restaurant. Lloyd has hit rock bottom dealing with the stresses of his life, compounded by the knowledge that his father who abandoned him is now dying. Lloyd has a lot of anger towards his father and towards himself.  Mr. Rogers asks Lloyd to join him in a minute of silence and just think about the people who are important to us and who made us what we are. As Mr. Rogers says this, all the other patrons of the restaurant stop talking, put down their utensils and fall silent. And the camera focus on Mr. Rogers’ face, he’s also talking to the audience in the theater. Then the movie just lets a minute pass in total silence. 

 

The lesson Fred Rogers imparts in this silent moment is that we are who we are because of how others have shaped us. Lloyd’s abandonment by his father shaped Lloyd into a writer who champions for justice and truth.

 

There may be room for gratitude even for our regrets.