Namely, it's usually a Marvel movie.
So last weekend, we ventured forth to go see a movie not all associated with Marvel or anything owned by Disney or not associated with any existing franchise. It was a film rated R for copious amounts of violence and frequent use of the word "fuck".
This week, Cinema Sunday presents... Bullet Train.
Well, we're going to try to present Bullet Train.
OK, let's start with the basics.
Bullet Train takes place on a Japanese bullet train (well, duh!) where a collection of competing assassins (and a snake) beat, stab, bite, poison and shoot the shit out of each other.
So there is so much more than that going on.
I will attempt a deeper dive.
Brad Pitt is a secret agent code named Ladybug on a mission with the following steps:
- Get on the bullet train.
- Retrieve a certain briefcase that's on the bullet train.
- Get off the bullet train with the briefcase.
Simple enough, yeah? Ladybug needs "simple". He's been under a lot of stress lately and he's trying to get in touch with himself, finding a purpose beyond just killing people, seeking a more positive outlook on life.
A simple snatch and grab is what the doctor ordered. Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.
There are... complications.
Also on board are hitmen brothers Tangerine and Lemon who have been hired to retrieve and return a kidnapped young man who is the son of a notorious crime boss known as the White Death. And also bring back the ransom money which is in a certain briefcase that's on the bullet train.
Tangerine and Lemon cannot afford to screw up any single part of their mission or the White Death will kill them.
Or worse.
Also on board is the Prince. She's channeling an anime schoolgirl with the super short skirt and knee socks but don't let the super sweet innocent exterior fool you: she's a psycho killer. The Prince is coercing an assassin, Yuichi Kimura, by threatening his son to help her with her plan: rigging a certain briefcase that's on the bullet train with explosives to kill White Death.
As a back up plan, also rigging Kimura's gun so that when fired, it actually shoots the shooter. Seems the White Death likes to kill people with their own weapons. It's a quirk.
Also on board is a killer for hire known as the Wolf who is seeking revenge on the Hornet, another assassin who is also on board, in revenge for the Hornet poisoning the Wolf's bride and the entire wedding party. It seems Ladybug was also at that party so the Wolf adds Ladybug to his revenge list when he sees him on the train.
Which is frustrating because Ladybug is having trouble placing how he knows this dude or why he's trying to kill him.
Also on the train: a snake.
You know what?
There is SO much more than THAT going on!
Like the titular train itself, everything in Bullet Train moves at a break neck pace, jokes and punches coming at rapid fire speed as the tangled web that ensnares everyone on this train becomes more astonishingly complex.
At the center of this spinning tornado of a movie is Brad Pitt's Ladybug. He's a trained killer who wants to be a more positive person with a better outlook on life. He's on a Zen journey for inner peace even as hell breaks loose around him and he's forced to take violent and lethal action to protect himself.
As fascinating as Ladybug is to watch, Tangerine and Lemon keep threatening to steal this movie with their cockney accented banter and needling. Lemon is obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine, using themes from the show to help him assess the different personality types he encounters. Tangerine has less patience for this sort of bullshit. But through it all, even with the bickering, they are still devoted to each other.
Thematically, Bullet Train has a lot in common with Red which also mixes comedy and action. Except Bullet Train moves at a faster speed and is even more violent.
There may be some flaws in the plot logic but don't worry about it. It'll just cost you some time and the enjoyment of a film that's just here to have a good violent and fun time.
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