Thursday, December 25, 2014

Merry Christmas From the Top O' the Food Chain

Merry Christmas, everybody! Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the internet's leading provider of figgy pudding.  

I'm actually writing this in advance of December 25th as I expect I will be quite busy with Christmas stuff 'n' junk. But I'm predicting this is how my Christmas Day will start. 

DADDY, it's CHRISTMAS! 

What the hell? It's dark out! 

It's CHRISTMAS DAY!!

What time is...? 12:45 AM?!?! (expletive deleted)  

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Let's go open presents!!

But it's 12:45 in the (expletive deleted) morning! 

I know! C'mon! Christmas presents! 

It's too early to open presents! 

We open Christmas presents on Christmas Day!!

Yes but...

So it's after midnight! Technically it's Christmas Day!!!

(pause) 

Daddy?

(expletive deleted) it! 

Yay! We're going to open presents!  

If you're thinking I shouldn't give in to that, here's the thing: this actually works to my advantage. 

In the past when my daughter actually deigned to sleep until as late as 5 AM, maybe 6, I would stumble blurry eyed and groggy down the hall to the Christmas tree and we would open presents, etc etc. As Christmas Day progress, I would just get more and more tired. 

By opening presents at 1 AM, I actually go back to sleep and sleep until later in the morning and I'm not as tired throughout the day. And I need my energy because at some point I'm going to do this: 



On par with Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner is an exercise in excess. We are blessed with too many things and too much of each thing. In an odd paradox, when I was younger and scarecrow scrawny, I could eat everything and go back for more. And go back for more again. I would wind up on the floor like the poor hapless frog above, moaning, "Oh, I ate WAY TOO MUCH!" And former me would not gain a pound. Seriously.  

God, I hate former me.  Back then the concept of "all you can eat" was a challenge, one that I could face and conquer. I could eat all I could eat. 

Now, carrying around enough extra weight to make at least a separate small child, I can't eat all I can eat. Meaning I can eat a plate of something but I can't go back for a 2nd plate. I reach the state of the overwhelmed frog way too soon. 

It's just not fair. I tells ya! 

As I write this, I'm unclear what's on the menu. The El family is leaving our Fortress of Ineptitude and foraging towards the golden spires of my brother in law's castle.  Christmas is a special time: he lets the drawbridge down so we can cross the moat. As I've noted here before, turkey is not a given at his house for Thanksgiving but it may be present for Christmas

If noting else, bringing up turkey provides me a segue way to this bit. Here are some posts from Twitter under the hashtag of .  
Hey, here's a fun Christmas Day activity: guess which movie which quote (without the turkey) came from. C'mon, kids, let's PLAY! 

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The really important thing happening today...well, other than the spending of time with family, the giving and receiving of gifts, the celebrating of the birth of Jesus, yada yada yada...is the Doctor Who Christmas Special! This evening will find the Els venturing forth from our Fortress to join our fellow Whovians at Geeksboro Coffeehouse and Cinema for a showing of Last Christmas.  Last? Sounds ominous. What evil is Steven Moffat up to now? 

There will be a review of this episode on this blog posted Saturday. 

And speaking of Doctor Who, here it is ONE MORE time, a link to my Doctor Who Christmas story, How Strax Saved Christmas. C'mon, guys, even I actually think this is a good one! 

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Last week saw the final ALL NEW edition of Broken News. Tomorrow (Friday) will see one more post under the Broken News banner as I say a final farewell to this weekly silliness.  

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Time to bring this bird in for a landing. Thank you for reading today. I hope all your days are merry and bright and that all of your Christmases are white and by "white", I mean covered with snow, not lacking in racial and ethnic diversity. 

And remember, be good to one another. 

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