Gaga For Greenland

 Our topic for today's 2nd blog post? Greenland: What the fuck?

Donald Trump wants Greenland.

Greenland does not want Donald Trump.

But what if Li'l Donnie really, really, REALLY wants it? I mean, like, you know, a LOT?

Trump says America MUST have Greenland and we will have it the easy way or the HARD way! 

Well, that'll win 'em over, you master negotiating stable genius dickens, you!   

Trump says he's inflicting additional tariffs on 8 European countries until Greenland is ceded to the United States.

So what's a little blackmail among friends, eh? 

And he has not ruled out the use of military force.

So what's a little military aggression among friends, don't cha know? 

Which brings us to the question of....Why? What the fuck, WHY?

Trump and his minions will tell you it's for reasons of national security why we MUST have Greenland.

If the United States doesn't have Greenland, then Russia or China will take it.  

Xi Jinping is on the phone with Vladmir Putin.

Xi Jinping: "What's this about Russia taking Greenland?"

Vladmir Putin: "Greenland? Bah! I haven't been thinking about Greenland!"

Xi Jinping: "Me neither. Taking Greenland had not occurred to me!"

Vladmir Putin: "Donald thinks we want Greenland!"

Xi Jinping: "Greenland: What the fuck?"

Vladmir Putin: "That Donald is one crazy son of bitch!" 

Well, Putin may not have been thinking about Greenland but Trump's obsession with it plays right into Putin's Christmas wish list.

Putin has long wanted to undermine, weaken or even destroy NATO.

And guess what happens if Trump decides to take Greenland the HARD way?

A NATO member attacking another NATO member is anathema to the whole organization's structure and reason to exist.

United States aggression against Greenland would shatter NATO leaving Europe without a strong, coordinated defense against Russian aggression.  

Trump may take Greenland but it's Putin who gets the gift.

About this whole "national security", Stephen Miller explains that Denmark is a small country with a small military so it can't defend Greenland against Chinese or Russian attack. 

Well, yes, Denmark is small and of course it's army is small which is why we have NATO, you goddam motherfucking dumbass!. If China or Russia tries any shit with Greenland, it wouldn't be just Denmark defending the island. It would be all of Europe! And America! 

It's also why the United States has a goddam treaty with Denmark that allows us to have military bases in Greenland. 

The defense of Greenland is as assured as it can be with combined American and European forces. 

Also Miller questions why Denmark even owns Greenland.  Totally devoid of any sense of irony, Miller asked just because some Danish explorers happened to come across this frozen island and decided, hey, it belongs to Denmark now?

Hey, Miller, that is a good point and some Native Americans would like to have a word with you, if you don't mind.  

So why does Trump really want Greenland?

Your guess is good as mine as to what the fuck goes on in the dementia addled calcified brain of his but my best guess is that he saw it on a map, it looks big and it's close to the United States and Tump wants to be one to redraw an expanded United States.

Basically, it's like everything Li'l Donnie does, he needs to appease his ego.

Even if it's based on a fallacy.

FUN FACT: Because the Earth is a ball and a map is flat, there are distortions in the perceived sizes of land masses, especially near the polar ends of the Earth. The upshot is Greenland is not quite as big as it appear on a map.

FUN FACT: Trump thinks Greenland is as big as it appears on a map.

FUN FACT: Because of this misconception, the world order as we know it will end and we could all die.

FUN FACT: These facts are not really all that fun, are they?