Now you may wonder why the staff and management (ME!) of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You would dare assume the authority to proclaim that it is OK to be black, I would confess that such authority is supported by this anecdote.
I don't share what I do for a living on this blog because I do not want the source of my income to become crossed up with my silly outlet for posting on the internet. But for this post, I can remain vague enough to not have the two twains of my employment and my idle distraction meeting up and causing trouble.
I was working on a project which included creating correspondence that would be sent to our customers. The correspondence was, I must admit, a work of art with a judicious use of color.
Alas, due to some software issues I didn't understand and the sheer volume of notices that would have to go out, use of color was not going to be an option.
Nonetheless, things came to a stand still as people were fraught (FRAUGHT, I must say) with worry. "David designed this with a color logo. We can't have color. What are we going to do? WHAT WILL WE DO?!?!"
I intervened with a benevolent peacefulness and bid them, "Go forth, my children! I sayeth unto thee, let the logo be black! So proclaimeth the David!"
And you might wonder, "What crazy ass place do you work, Dave-El?"
It's called "hyperbole", a tool that I am permitted to use as an award winning humorist*.
*Seriously. I won a Toastmaster humorous speech contest in 2011.
Anyway my proclamation was echoed in an email, a redacted copy is available below.
Yay, I say unto thee, it is OK to be black.
In light of recent news from Virginia, I might need to add a qualifier.
It is OK to be black if you are black.
It was recently revealed that Gov. Ralph Northam of Virginia was down with some racist shit back in the early 1980s. A photo with his name pasted above appears in his medical school yearbook with a young man in black face standing next to another person in a KKK robe.
At first, the governor apologized for the photo. Then he changed his mind and said that neither of the people in the photo was him. He remembered clearly that he was in black face at a totally different party where he won a dance contest doing Michael Jackson's moonwalk. So he was in black face that time but not the time at whenever that photo was taken. And for good measure, he's not under the hood either, he says.
A reported asked Gov. Northam if he could still do the moonwalk but the governor's wife said that would be inappropriate to demonstrate that.
So a lot of people are not buying this bullshit and are calling on the Gov. Northam to resign.
If he does, Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax will take over. Fairfax is African American so the staff and management of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You says to Lt. Gov. Fairfax it is OK to be black.
It is however not OK to be a sexual predator as it turns out that there is an allegation of sexual assault against Fairfax.
So a lot of people are not buying this bullshit and are calling on the Lt. Gov. Fairfax to resign.
Next in line to be governor is Virginia's Attorney General who also has his own issues with spending time under black make up. Attorney General Mark R. Herring, it is not OK for you to be black. Or apparently move on up to governor.
What the fuck is going on in Virginia?
Oh, the head of the state senate attended the same medical school as Gov. Northam and was editor of the same damn year book with the damn black face/KKK photo!
Seriously, Virginia! What the hell, people? Really?
To close, for this Black History Month, please accept my assurances that it is OK to be black. Unless you're not. Black, that is.
Remember to be good to one another.
And Virginia, avoid black face and KKK hoods! Geez!
Let's moonwalk out of here.
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