Since
today is Thanksgiving, let’s talking about being thankful.
Let’s
talk about gratitude.
When
life feels “wrong”, it’s hard to remember all the things we can be grateful
for.
Objectively
speaking, on the scales that weigh what is good in my life vs. what is wrong in
my life, the scale that holds the good sinks under its weight down to the floor.
The side with the bad rises high, unhindered by the relative pea sized ball of
worry.
But
guess which scale holds my attention?
I
know compared to some many people, I have much to be grateful for.
A
home, a job that pays the bills, a wife who stands by me no matter what, a daughter
who I adore and I am very proud of. And so much more.
But
the wiring in my head dwells on the obstacles, the pain, the limitations, the frustrations.
Make
no mistake, the obstacles, the pain, the
limitations and the frustrations are, each in their own way, real. But should the negative stand on the same
level as the positive?
If
a good day is a day without anything negative, there will never be a good day.
But
so much of the space in my head is dedicated to the negative.
If
I may, I want to talk about Cory.
Cory
is someone I go to church with, sing in the choir with. We’ve actually gone out
to dinner a few times in the past, a guy’s night out sort of thing. I could say
Cory is a friend.
A
few months back, Cory was diagnosed with cancer. He would have to undergo
chemotherapy to beat back this disease. He announced his diagnosis on Facebook
with a photo on himself in a t-shirt that read “Fuck Cancer”.
How
cool is that, a church going person using the word “fuck”. I was impressed.
In
the intervening weeks, Cory posted updates on his ongoing chemotherapy treatments,
always with a positive attitude and a sense of humor. He referred to the chemo
pump as “Pump McPumpface”.
I
still saw Cory at church on Sunday mornings. He seemed to be in good spirits
but physically, he looked pale and gaunt. For al the positivity and humor,
chemo was rough on him.
But
it appears that chemo has been effective. The latest update reports that he is
nearly clear of the cancer. He and his whole family pose with a photo of all of
them sporting “Fuck Cancer” t-shirts.
Hell
yeah! Fuck cancer!
For
all that he has endured, all the pain from the cancer and the chemotherapy used
to treat it, the message foremost in his mind was one of gratitude.
I
can’t say I would have been as strong in similar circumstances.
Hell,
I can barely tolerate having a sinus headache. How many times on this blog have
I bitched about my face hurting? Whenever I have a sinus infection, I think
that the results of either getting better or simply dying are win-win scenarios.
What
would I do if I had cancer? “Well, doc,
I guess I’m gonna die then.” The doctor
would be prattling on about treatments, radiation, chemotherapy, surgery and
what all and I would just say, “You know, that sounds like too much work. Let’s
call it a day, why don’t we?”
On
the national stage, Jeopardy host Alex Trebek is battling pancreatic cancer. By
all accounts, the chemotherapy treatment for this cancer can really do a number
on a person, both physically and emotionally. Alex has noted in interviews the
intense effect chemo has had on him. One
particular problem is the chemo leaves him with mouth sores which makes talking
difficult.
And
yet…
Since
his diagnosis and the start of his treatment, Alex Trebek has not missed one single
taping of an episode of Jeopardy. And when you see him on screen, he remains
the genial host he has always been. If we didn’t know that Alex has cancer, you
certainly cannot tell from his demeanor and his attitude.
And
when he talks about the challenge of having cancer and the rigors he has
endured in fighting it, Alex Trebek always goes back to gratitude. He is thankful
for all that he has done, is doing and hopes to do.
It’s
hard to imagine I would be so gracious while confronting so much pain.
But
the truth is that there is so much more to be thankful for than there is to
regret.
It’s
hard for me to see that as often as I should.
Maybe
it’s a matter of simply taking the time.
There’s
a particularly moving sequence in A Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood where
Fred Rogers and Lloyd Vogel are having lunch in a restaurant. Lloyd has hit rock
bottom dealing with the stresses of his life, compounded by the knowledge that
his father who abandoned him is now dying. Lloyd has a lot of anger towards his
father and towards himself. Mr. Rogers asks
Lloyd to join him in a minute of silence and just think about the people who
are important to us and who made us what we are. As Mr. Rogers says this, all
the other patrons of the restaurant stop talking, put down their utensils and
fall silent. And the camera focus on Mr. Rogers’ face, he’s also talking to the
audience in the theater. Then the movie just lets a minute pass in total
silence.
The
lesson Fred Rogers imparts in this silent moment is that we are who we are because
of how others have shaped us. Lloyd’s abandonment by his father shaped Lloyd into
a writer who champions for justice and truth.
There
may be room for gratitude even for our regrets.
