Saturday, June 22, 2013

BROKEN NEWS for Friday, June 21st

Here in one handy-dandy place,
it's

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It's Friday! It's Dave-El on Twitter with brought to you by Asparagum, the great taste of peppermint & asparagus in 1 great gum!

“FBI director: We use drones for surveillance in the US” Adding, “We also use drones to pick up the First lady’s dry-cleaning"

“Palace issues new details on birth plans for Duchess Kate” During labor pains, Kate may address the prince as “Royal Asshole”

“Obama: It's time to cut Cold War nuke arsenals” GOP wants to shoot off a nuke first, just one, just for fun! C'mon!

“Biden: White House has not 'given up' on gun control” Obama: "We haven’t given up on what now?"

“House GOP Pushes 'Cruel And Divisive' Food Stamp Measure” No, using Hunger Games to earn food stamps is a great idea!

“Unbelievable Number Of Shootings By FBI Agents Deemed Justified” The FBI is doing a fine job, says the FBI.

“'Ex-gay' group says it's shutting down”, saying “We still hate gays; it’s just not as much fun anymore.”

“Boehner: House to 'work its will' on immigration” Then he raised his cape to his eyes & vanished into the night! Blah!

“Disgraced Host Lands At Fox News” There’s section at the top of the Fox job application: “Disgraced, check yes or no”.

I thought Paula Deen had found work there but no. FoxNews execs said, "Even we have standards which kind of surprised us"

Speaking of Fox News, it's time for WHAT THE HELL IS AMANDA BYNES UP TO THIS WEEK?! week week week....

Fox News reports "Amanda Bynes has breast implants removed" Well, they PARTAYED in da clubs like VIPs leaving Amanda in the car!

Amanda Bynes' breast implants would tell her they were still friends but she knew them bitches was lying!

“Atheist Seeking Citizenship Told She Must First Join Church” Atheists just don’t have a prayer, do they?

Now , brought to you by Athletic Supporters United! Help poor young men play sports! Be a young man's athletic supporter today!

“Heat repeat: Miami scores third NBA title” This should help Lebron with those low self esteem issues he struggles with.


“It’s a first! Queen’s horse wins Gold Cup” Camilla came in second; not her horse, Camilla! (Camilla=horse, never gets old)

Top Secret NSA Spying Rules Revealed On the list: If I tell you, I really don’t HAVE to kill you. We’re just fucking with you.

Finally on "Food Network ...will not renew Paula Deen's contract" Paula's drowning her sorrows with a large glass of butter

She really wants to change. Just last night, she only used the N-word once while eating her blackened chicken.

This has been , brought to you by Asparagum..for minty fresh breath & stinkier pee, chew Asparagum, the asparagus chewing gum.


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