Broken News for Friday, May 31st, 2013

05/31/2013

Hi, there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog for those with refined, sophisticated tastes...looking for something NOT refined and sophisticated.

Dave-El here and ready to collapse in my fortress bed and sleep for a week. But before I do, lets crunch some  #BrokenNews! Other news outlets seek to Break the News. We leave the News shattered into little, bitty pieces.

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#BrokenNews “Bachmann Will Not Seek Re-Election In 2014” She will focus on preparing for an invasion by Martians. Gay Liberal Martians.

#BrokenNews “GOP Freaking Out About Obama's Attempt To Fill Empty Court Seats” GOP demands Obama appoint Judge Reinhold!

For those of you born after the 1980's, this is Judge Reinhold and he is not an actual judge.

 

#BrokenNews “U.S. Drone Strike Kills 7 In Pakistan” Drone#167-J is determine to beat Drone #217-K for that “Drone of the Year” award.

#BrokenNews “Atheists Can't Be Saved After All, Vatican Says” Swear to God, atheists just can’tcatch a break!

#BrokenNews “Issa Makes New Benghazi Demand” Now he wants his Benghazi gluten free!

#BrokenNews “More violent weather threatens US” It’s gotten worse since weather started carrying guns.

#BrokenNews “J.C. Penney in hot water for selling kettle that 'looks like Hitler'”

A case of the pot calling the kettle ‘anti-semitic’.

 

#BrokenNews “Courtney Love tells Amanda Bynes to 'pull it together'” How bad is it in when Courtney Love is giving advice on public behavior.

#BrokenNews “Crew docks in space after 6-hour flight” That layover in Chicago is real bitch!

#BrokenNews “Debunked Economists Face Even More Embarassment” They forgot to wear pants again. (The Spongebob boxers didn’t help.)

#BrokenNews “Did Starbucks Use Toilet Water To Brew Coffee?” Well, my latte did taste a lot better yesterday.

#BrokenNews “Al Qaeda magazine urges more attacks” Also: 7 Quick ‘n’ Easy Hummus Recipes & How to Put the Spark Back in Your Intifada

#BrokenNews “Honey Boo Boo's family woes: Dad sick, dog dead” Toss in a truck break down & you’ve got yourself a country song.

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That's it for this week's #BrokenNews.

#BrokenNews is sponsored by Blurmph!

Blurmph: when in doubt, shout it out! Blurmph!

 

Whatever you need, you'll need Blurmph.

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