Fly, Thanos! FLY!!!!

So we are about a month away from the much anticipated debut of Avengers: Infinity War, the feature film gathering of every super hero introduced to date in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). All the Avengers and the Guardians of the Galaxy and Black Panther and Spider-Man and Doctor Strange and Ant-Man. It’s gonna be EPIC!

An epic spectacle or an epic mess? As much as we are all psyched for this movie, let’s admit, that’s a lot of characters to juggle which means there’s a lot of risk that something like character development or a coherent plot might get shortchanged. Still, I’m hoping just the sheer thrill of seeing all these characters come together will smooth over any shortcomings.

And all these heroes are needed because the big bad threat is THANOS, baby!

I said, Thanos, baby.

It’s Thanos.

Thanos, anyone?

OK, in the comics, Thanos is some serious shit with cosmic power and an obsession with death.

In the MCU, Thanos made an underwhelming cameo in the mid-credits scene in the first Avengers movie. 

He was slightly more of a presence in the first Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah, we’re told repeatedly Thanos is bad, Thanos is terrible, Thanos does not bathe regularly, Thanos borrows garden tools but doesn’t bring them back, Thanos is all powerful and EVIL. But all we see is Rogaine the Hairless…er, Ronan the Accuser defy Thanos and gets away with it.  Ronan steals an all powerful thing from Thanos and suffers no retribution from Thanos. Instead, Conan the O'Brien.....er, Ronan the Accuser is defeated after a dance off with Star-Lord.

Thanos is a big ol’ pussy.

Maybe Avengers: Infinity War will fix that.

But if you want to know of Thanos at the peak of his power, of his cruelty, consider the tale of his quest for the Cosmic Cube and paltry efforts of the Amazing Spider-Man and Hellcat to thwart his ambitions, his destiny, his helicopter!

His what now?

Back in the day, in the 1970s, Marvel published a comic book on conjunction with the Children’s Television Workshop (CTW) called Spidey Super Stories. This series was based on the Spider-Man segments that appeared on the CTW show, The Electric Company. These were simple stories about life lessons like sharing, honesty, helping others… you know, that sort of crap.  Into this world of childlike wonder entered Thanos!

In his helicopter!

Now Thanos may be evil but he has no need to steal a helicopter. That helicopter is HIS! It has his name on it! 

Enter, the Thanoscopter!

How did THAT come about? Well, I have some of the unpublished script right here. 

BEHOLD, humans of Earth! I AM THANOS! And I have come to claim as my own the INFINITE POWER of the Cosmic Cube as is the right of THANOS, harbinger of DEATH, ruler of WORLDS, owner of....

Er, can some one lend me a Sharpie? Thanks.

<squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak>

OWNER OF THIS HELICOPTER!!!!!!!!

Another thing about this story: because it was a comic book for pre-schoolers, Hellcat could not be Hellcat and instead was referred to as The Cat.  

Still, let the the world beware and tremble before the might of Thanos in his Thanoscopter!

Fly, Thanos!! FLYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!