Thursday, November 25, 2021

Thanksgiving Minus Turkey

Well, today is Thanksgiving here in the ol' U. S. of A. 

And here at the ol' Fortress of Ineptitude, we'll be dining here at home. The menu includes beef brisket, chicken tenders, macaroni & cheese, roasted potatoes, a zucchini vegetable medley, Hawaiian rolls and for dessert, pumpkin and apple pie.


I'm a veritable Martha Stewart. 


Except I'm not making any of this from scratch. Bought everything pre-made at the grocery store.  Like I'm going to make a beef brisket from scratch.





In case you're wondering what about turkey, it's been years since I last had turkey on Thanksgiving. 


Mostly Thanksgiving has been spent at my brother in law's house where the menu eschewed the traditional turkey for a variety of grilled chicken and beef dishes.  


It was a delicious spread but it did make the inevitable "did you get enough turkey" queries on Monday morning especially irritating.  


We're not doing Thanksgiving at my brother in law's house this year. Not sure what's up. My wife Andrea hasn't heard from heer brother in months. 


For the record, I can make a pretty damn good turkey. 


The key is patience and preparation. 


You know those silly things that occur in movies and TV shows where some beleaguered host is waiting frantically for a 20 pound frozen bird to finally cook while desperately hungry guests begin to chew on each other like some kind of Hallmark version of The Walking Dead. 


Planning and prepping need to begin days in advance for thawing, seasoning and basting.


I cannot emphasis enough the importance of butter. 


And just because you can get a 20 pound turkey doesn't mean you should.  Unless you like those 50/50 odds of having a turkey that is overcooked or undercooked. 


My best turkey I ever made topped out at 12 pounds and was more than sufficient for everyone at the dinner table. 


If you really get stuck cooking a turkey, you can always ask a friend to help. If that friend has a time machine.  




Have a Happy Thanksgiving and remember to always be good to one another.


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