Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Stuff 'n' Junk


Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You! I'm Dave-El and I'm easy like Sunday morning but the rest of the week, I'm pure hell.

Hey, let's take a look at some stuff 'n' junk from over the last few days or so. C'mon! It'll be fun...ish. 

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David Letterman was back and in fine form, appearing at a show being performed by Martin Short and Steve Martin in San Antonio, TX. Apparently Dave has been pretty content in retirement and did not regret his decision to step down from hosting the Late Show on CBS

At least not until Donald Trump decided to run for President. So Dave winged down from his fortified citadel of comedy in Montana (Wyoming?) to the dusty plains of Texas for a classic celebrity walk on in the middle of someone else's show. From the stage, he produced from his suit jacket pocket a Top Ten list. (Because, as Dave noted, all his suits come with a Top Ten list.)  And over the course of ten things, Dave skewers both Donald Trump AND his hairpiece (or as Dave called it, "that thing on his head".)  

I hope this bodes well for future visits from David Letterman to blow off some comedy steam and get out of the house once in awhile.

Click here for the video of Dave’s TopTen List of Interesting Facts About Donald Trump.


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Donald Trump is still running for President, still not backing down from his comments on Mexican immigration and is currently very close to or in a tie with Jeb Bush in recent polls.  Meanwhile, the other 374 people running for the GOP nomination are going, “What the hell? Really?” 

You know a Trump presidency might actually save us some money since the Donald can make that thing on his head vice-president.

In case you're wondering how Trump sees the world, get a load of this map I found on the internet.



Yeah, Donald Trump looks at that and thinks, "Yeah, that looks right." And that thing on his head rubs together a couple of artificial follicles and murmurs, "Excellent!" .  

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Jeb Bush announced last week the secret to making America economically stronger is to “work longer hours”. Now to be fair, what Jeb was referring to was that there is a whole segment of the working population that is underemployed and need to be working more. Good point, that. 

But there is an even larger segment of the working population which works on the other side of the 40 hour work week by either working overtime hours on a consistent basis or having to hold down more than one job. This may not be comparable to Mitt Romney’s 47% gaffe from 2012 but it doesn’t bode well for Jeb down the stretch. 

On the other hand, Jeb Bush has had a good month pulling down lots of moolah in campaign donations. And the sound of rustling $100 bills can drown out a lot of stupid.  

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Speaking of getting money, Greece got a bailout deal. 

Again. 

Whether it’s a good deal for either Greece or the European Union, smarter heads than mine will have to parse that. But the problem of Greece’s economic woes have been solved once and for all and we’ll never hear of this again. Which is what I thought the last time Greece got a bailout deal. I suspect this is less a resolution of the problem and more of a “let’s kick the can down the road” strategy. But how should I know? It’s all Greek to me.*


*Oh real clever. Like no one else has used that pun in association with the Greek economic crisis. 


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The bailout of Greece is not the only deal in town. The US is trying to bring Iran and the rest of the world together on a deal over Iran's nuclear program. This will be, of course, the worst possible deal ever in the history of worst possible deals and will surely lead to the planet being boiled to a radioactive stew as Iran unleashes nuclear hell and it will be all Obama’s fault.  Out of the radioactive rubble, John Boehner will clamber out of the ruins, his skin glowing orange as he proclaims, “All this is Obama’s fault!” Although we don’t have to wait for nuclear Armageddon to see that; just flip on Fox News right now.

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A drug cartel leader in an inescapable Mexican prison...escapes. Again!  The drug kingpin known as "El Chapo"** escaped via an underground tunnel. And if you're thinking Shawshank Redemption and crawling through 500 yards of shit, yeah, it's just like that. 

Except for the shit. 

And the crawling. 

Apparently this tunnel was well lit and ventilated. I wouldn't be surprised there was a people mover installed to deliver El Chapo to freedom.  

**El Chapo is Spanish for The Chapo. 

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All right, I've done enough damage around here for one day. I'll be back tomorrow with another post of some damn fool thing or another. Until then, be good to one another. 

Randie's Turn: Beauty and the Beast

Hey guys! Welcome to I’m So Glad My Suffering Amuses You. I’m not Dave-El, but I am GAY! (bear with me, that is relevant) Yep, it’s Rand...