Saturday, April 7, 2018

Doctor Who: Down To Earth

OK, I'm impatient! I can't wait for the first new episode of Doctor Who starring Jodie Whitaker!

So...

What follows is a script of what I imagine the first minutes of the 13th Doctor's first adventure might be like.

____________________________________

SCENE OPENS
13th Doctor falling through the sky, her flailing body hurtling through wisps of clouds. The ground below is still far away. But it's getting closer. 


VO: Peter Capaldi’s Voice:  Hello! I’m the Doctor but…. Hold on! Why do I still have the Scottish voice in my head? Oh right! Post regenerative cognitive disassociation! Inner voice not synched up to the outer voice yet. OK, before I fell out of the TARDIS, I said….something. Something… brilliant? 


Flashback: 10th Doctor:  “Oh, that’s brilliant!” 


Back to the 13th Doctor falling through the sky.


VO: David Tennant’s Voice:  Hello! I’m the Doctor…No! Wait that’s not it!


Flashback: 5th Doctor:  “Yes, that’s brilliant!” 


Flashback: 7th Doctor:  “Quite brilliant!” 


Flashback: 9th Doctor:  “You were brilliant!” 


Back to the 13th Doctor falling through the sky.


VO: Matt Smith’s Voice:  Blimey! I’ve said “brilliant” a lot!   


Flashback: 4th Doctor:  “Would like to have a jelly baby?”    


Back to the 13th Doctor falling through the sky.


VO: back to Peter Capaldi’s Voice:  Now, that’s not helpful at all! C’mon, Doctor! Think!


Flashback: 13th Doctor:  “Oh, brilliant!”    


Back to the 13th Doctor falling through the sky.


VO: back to Peter Capaldi’s Voice:  Bingo! Not a lot to work with but……


Flashback: 13th Doctor:  “Oh, brilliant!”    


Back to the 13th Doctor falling through the sky.


VO: Jodie Whitaker’s Voice:  Me, me, me, me, me, me, me! Hold on….


Flashback: 13th Doctor:  “Oh, brilliant!”    


Back to the 13th Doctor falling through the sky.


VO: Jodie Whitaker’s Voice:  Hello! I’m the Doctor but….


The 13th Doctor plummets through a cloud into clear sky and the ground is coming up fast now.


VO: Jodie Whitaker’s Voice:  But not for very much longer! Oh, this is going to hurt! This is going to hurt….


The Doctor slams into the ground in a blur of motion, the impact sending a spray of dirt and grass as we…


Fade To Black





FADE IN.

Against a murky purple sky of twilight, three people are running urgently. In the dim light, we see the three include an older man, a young woman and another man about the same age as the woman.


Graham:  Bloody hell! Did you ever see the like?


Yasmin:  They… they just fell… out of the sky.  


Ryan: Yasmin… you better hold back. Whoever hit the ground, hit it pretty hard….


Yasmin:  Ryan, I don’t need you getting all protective….  


Graham:  Whoever he is….


Ryan: …or she. 


Yasmin:  They! 


Graham:  Bloody pronouns! Anyway, that person is going to be…


A low groan can be heard from the ground.


Graham:  ….dead? 


Yasmin:  Oh my God! They’re alive?    


Ryan: What the…?


We see on the ground a body dressed in a tattered black suit, a body that can be charitably described as mangled, arms and legs bent in odd directions. The body twitches slightly and groans. 


Graham:  Dear Lord! This… this is impossible.   


Ryan: Blimey! We need to call… someone?


Yasmin:  Someone?     


Ryan:  I don’t know. An ambulance.


Graham:  Yes! That seems… reasonable. We should call…


The Doctor:  Bonff boffer.


Graham:  …an ambulance? What? 


The Doctor:  Don’t bother. Hold on… just a bit.


Yasmin:  Oh my!      


Ryan:  What in the world?

Yasmin and Ryan approach the Doctor.

Yasmin:  Let Ryan and I help you.

The Doctor:  No! Stay back. I've got this....

The Doctor groans, unable to move. 

Ryan:  I don't think you do.

The Doctor:  No! Urrrggh!! I've got....

The Doctor continue to grunt, straining, unable to move.

The Doctor:  I've... I've... I.... ugh! 

The Doctor sighs.

The Doctor:  OK, maybe a little help. 

Yasmin and Ryan gently helps the Doctor to a sitting position.

Graham:  Careful, kids!

Yasmin:  I think we've got this.

The Doctor:  Oh, that was fun. Up and at them!

Reaching under her arms, Yasmin and Ryan bring the Doctor to a rather unstable, wobbly standing position.  

Ryan:  Oh, looks like your jacket is on backward...

Yasmin: Oh, my Lord! It's not her jacket, Ryan! 

Graham:  Good God!

Ryan:  Bloody hell, Yasmin! You're...


The Doctor in a jerky motion like a broken marionette staggers on her feet. Her legs are bent inwards, her left arm dangles limply by her side and there’s something not quite right about her head.



The Doctor:  I just need… just need… a moment to catch my….


The Doctor:  Wait! Hold on.


The Doctor looks behind her.   


The Doctor faces Graham, Yasmin & Ryan again, then smiles broadly and begins laughing. 


The Doctor:  Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s me head!    


Ryan:  Your head?


The Doctor:  Me heads is on backwards! Backwards! Wow!   Oh my! What a day this has been!


The Doctor stops laughing and sighs.


The Doctor:  What a day.


Ryan: Who the hell are you? 


Graham:  Ryan! 


The Doctor:  No, that’s a fair question. I am the Doctor. 


The Doctor smiles and laughs at this. 


The Doctor:  Yes, I am the Doctor.


Ryan: The Doctor?   


Yasmin:  Doctor… who? 


The Doctor:  Ha! Wait! You, say that again!    


Yasmin:  Doctor… who? 


The Doctor:  Oh, I never get tired of that.


Yasmin:  Seriously! Doctor… who? 


The Doctor:  Just… the Doctor! And I must take heed of an old and wise saying: Physician, heal thyself! And boy, am I in need of some healing. Left arm’s just… dangling there. My legs are bent inward. I’ve definitely got some compression in the lower spinal column going on. Oh! And my head is on backward! 


Graham:  So we should… get you to hospital.   


The Doctor:  No, I’ve got this. Thankfully, I’m still within the first 15 hours of my regeneration cycle so…


The Doctor’s left arm begins to glow.


Yasmin:  Oh my God! You’re glowing?


The Doctor:  OK, let’s knit that elbow back into shape and….


The Doctor extends her now fully functioning left arm.


The Doctor:  And SNAP!


Ryan: Your arm? It works now?     


The Doctor:  Oh, I’m just getting started!    


The glow forms around her legs as the Doctor does a bit of a dance as her legs move back into the right directions. Then her left hand glows as she touches her lower back.


The Doctor: Lower spinal column is GOOD! And now… for the big finish….


The glow forms around her head as she turns around with a flourish.


The Doctor:  YES! Result! Head’s on straight!


Briskly and joyfully, the Doctor approaches Graham, Yasmin and Ryan and begins energetically shaking their hands.


The Doctor:  Thank you for being here! It always good to have company for this sort of thing.


Graham: Yes, my name is Graham and this is


Yasmin: I’m Yasmin


Ryan: …and I’m Ryan. And you are…?


The Doctor:  The Doctor.     


Yasmin:  Doctor… who? 


The Doctor:  Yasmin, we’ve done that bit. I’m assuming… this is Earth?    


Ryan: This is Earth?  


The Doctor:  Well, I was hoping you would know, Ryan. 


Yasmin: This is Earth. 


Graham: Are you… an alien? 


The Doctor:  Well, Graham, that depends on your perspective but I suppose I…. wait! What year is this?


Ryan: What year is this?


The Doctor:  Oh, Ryan, you poor thing. Hold on. 


The Doctor sticks out her tongue, then makes a face like she tasted something bad.


The Doctor: Yuck! 2018.


The Doctor stops for a moment, looks around her. 


Yasmin: Doctor? Are you…. 


The Doctor:  Did anything… else… fall down… with me? 


Graham: Anything else… like what?   


The Doctor:  Like a blue… box?


Ryan: No.


The Doctor:  Are you sure, Ryan? You seem uncertain about the planet and the year.


Yasmin: No, nothing else fell down with you.


The Doctor:  OK. That could be… trouble. Well….


The Doctor begins to stride away from the others with a sense of purpose and confidence.


Yasmin: Doctor? Where are you going?   


The Doctor stops and looks up at the star dappled sky. 


The Doctor:  There’s a universe out there that’s going to get it wrong without me.  I can’t stay here. I have work to do.


Graham: What sort of… work?    


The Doctor:  I have no idea. Could be easy or hard. Could be dangerous.


She turns towards  Graham, Yasmin and Ryan. The Doctor smiles. 


The Doctor: Could be fun.  


Graham: But you.. you’re alone.    


Ryan: You might need help.


Yasmin: We’re coming with you.


The Doctor smiles. 


The Doctor: Oh, brilliant! 

_______________________________________________

And that is where I'm going to leave that. It will be interesting to see what professional writer person Chris Chibnall does with the real deal come this fall.   

Thanks for indulging me. Until next time, remember to be good to one another.   

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