Hi there! And welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the internet's ONLY 4G BLOG!*
*Great galloping gopher gravy? I really have no idea. I should try to think these things through first, huh?
I'm Dave-El and I'm back in the blog saddle once again after a few days off. As for what I was up to during the last few days, I can only say that the charges were dropped and let's leave it that, OK?
Anyway, so today is Friday which means its time for a NEW edition of bROkEN nEWs! That's right, because YOU demand it,
bROkEN nEWs is here each and every Friday.*
*Funny, I have this "didn't" left over. I wonder where in the previous sentence that was supposed to go? Oh well.
We're kicking off today's bROkEN nEWs with some class! Here is the much respected elder statesman of CBS News, Bob Schieffer!!
You know what? I really can't argue with the man. Thanks Bob for teeing us up!
Headlines AWAY in 5...
#BrokenNews “Painful Reality Awaits Those Wanting Obama Impeached” Reality, painful or otherwise, is really not an issue with these morons.
#BrokenNews "Congress Nears Complete Failure On Addressing Border Crisis" Those poor children coming across the border? Fuck them, we gots us a President to impeach! Yee-haw!
#BrokenNews "House GOP Border Plan Opposed By... Republicans" Someone in the GOP realized, "Oh shit, we're about to actually DO something?! Whew! That was a close one!"
#BrokenNews “Russia Owes Company Shareholders $50 Billion” Vladimir Putin promises Russia will pay that money between “never” and “I don’t give a shit!”
#BrokenNews "Man Fired From School For Writing About 'Homophones'" Because this promotes a "gay agenda". No, I'm not making that up; it's from the actual story! (Click the headline which links to the story.)
But this whole "gay agenda" thing, it could be true. You start teaching about homophones and the next thing you know, Bishop Tutu is going to buy two tutus and Tootie is going to buy two tutus too. And the next thing you know, everybody's gay!
#BrokenNews "Ruth Bader Ginsburg Says Supreme Court Won't 'Duck' Gay Marriage" But Clarence Thomas is quite afraid of being "goosed" by gay marriage.
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! I am SO excited! It's...
And this has been...
Now back to the headlines!
NEWS FROM THE FUTURE!
#BrokenNews "You've Been Cutting Watermelon All Wrong" You're holding that chain saw all wrong, you stupid bastard!
|Mwah! Good night, Dave-El.|