Monday, July 25, 2016

A Very Summertime Sort Of Day

Dave-El and his wife Andrea at the ball game
while their daughter Miranda looks for any avenue of escape.

I'm not a big being outside kind of person. All the stuff I really like to do (reading, writing, watching TV/movies/internet stuff) are best accomplished within the hermetically sealed air conditioned environs of my home that I call the Fortress of Ineptitude. And there is no time of the year that I really appreciate being inside than in the good old summertime. 

Outside is where the bugs are. 

And the heat. 

And the humidity. 

And other people. Hot, sweaty other people.  

But sometimes, summertime demands you go out and actually do summertime stuff. So it was on Saturday that the El family ventured forth from the Fortress into the sun- 


,<deep breath>

Let's try that again.  

So it was on Saturday that the El family ventured forth from the Fortress into the sun to spend a most summertime sort of day.  

We went to the pool for a few hours. I have to admit, I enjoy a trip to the pool, particularly if I can find a nice spot along a wall somewhere and I can be left alone to just gently bob in the water.  

I should point out I can't swim. 

It's not that I don't have the ability to swim. You just stick your arms out in front of you and propel yourself through the water. It's just like flying. Well, that's how Aquaman does it. OK, I understand there's some kind of movement required. But it's COORDINATED movement and I'm just not that good at choreography. 

But the main thing that impedes my ability to swim is my skeletal structure which lacks sufficient buoyancy to facilitate proper swimming. 

What do you mean that's not true? I have a disability. Don't mock me for my disability. That's bullying. Yes, a skeletal structure which lacks sufficient buoyancy is a disability. Yes, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

Despite my disability (Shut up!), I do enjoy spending time in the pool. Granted, there are other people in the pool, some in closer proximity that I am necessarily comfortable with. There I am, bobbing in the water, nearly naked, within feet (inches, even!) of another nearly naked person that I don't know and don't want to know. Thankfully, the pool we went to on Saturday is fairly large and I was able to minimize interactions with other human persons.  

When my family goes to the pool, we spend our entire time in the pool. None of this laying out on a towel or a deck chair to get some sun. I paid good money to spend time in a large concrete structure filled with thousands of gallons of chlorinated water and I'll be damned if I'm not going to spend every possible second in that large concrete structure filled with thousands of gallons of chlorinated water. If I wanted to just lay out in the sun, I could do that at home except I'm not going to do that at home because I don't want to do that at home, I don't want to do that at all, I want to submerge in thousands of gallons of chlorinated water which I can't do at home so I'm staying in that friggin' pool until I'm friggin' wrinkled like friggin' Yoda! 

I really like the pool. 

The other summertime thing we did on Saturday was go to a baseball game. Our local minor league team is the Greensboro Grasshoppers and we try to go to at least 1 game a year. This time we had really good seats, about 8 rows back behind home plate. 

Of course we had tickets for the hottest day of the summer so far. The temperate dropped to 92 degrees by the time the game started. The humidity was at 156%. 

Just our luck, the theme for Saturday's game was Christmas in July which I absolutely hate. There was a Christmas tree on the concourse and Christmas carols blasting over the sound system. Various Hoppers staffers where in Santa hats, joyfully expiring from heat exhaustion. Everything was awash in the fuzzy warm glow of the Yuletide season and excessive perspiration.  

Santa makes an appearance to kvetch about the humidity. 

The game was filled with the usual shenanigans: racing sausages, sumo wrestlers, human hamburgers. Oh  and baseball. There was baseball. 

As I noted here last year, the main draw for my family is the post games fireworks show and that means I don't want the game to go on any longer than it has to. To that end, the Grasshoppers need to be winning so that the game ends at the bottom of the 9th inning. Which looked good for awhile with Greensboro up 3 to 0. Then in the 7th inning, the Augusta Greenjackets (really!) loaded the bases and then hit a home run. This is called a Grand Slam and it's not just a breakfast special at Denny's. I had never seen one before. (The baseball thing, I mean although that also applies to the Denny's special. I've never eaten at Denny's. Maybe one day if I lose a bet or something.)  

So now Greensboro is down by one but comes roaring back at the bottom of the 7th with 3 more runs and now the score is 6 to 4. August pops one off at the top of the 9th but can do no more damage and the Grasshoppers win which means we can get to our fireworks faster! 

Guilford the Grasshopper leads the crowd in a wave
or is flailing about in the throes of heat stroke, one or the other. 

During the game, we have chances to score a free biscuit at Biscuitville if the pitcher strikes out the batter. Biscuitville is a fast food chain in the southern United States that specializes in (get this!) biscuits. So whenever one of these opportunities come around, you will hear a crowd of 4 to 5 thousand people start chanting, "Biscuits! Biscuits! Biscuits! Biscuits!" Hey, it's a free biscuit and Biscuitville makes really good (hold on to your hats!) biscuits.  

This blog post is being brought to you by: 

I received no paid consideration for this sponsorship but I wouldn't say no to a free biscuit.  

At Saturday's game, I don't think I would've said no to free anything. We barely sat down in our seats and it was immediately apparent we were going to need some liquid. Before the first pitch, I've spent $10.50 on bottled water for the three of us. $10.50? Later there were the hot dogs and popcorn. And after that, Dipping Dots. What are Dipping Dots? They are the Ice Cream of the Future! I really don't see the big deal with Dipping Dots but other than the fireworks, that's probably the #1 thing my wife and daughter go on about. Are we going to get Dipping Dots? Is it time for Dipping Dots? Can we go get Dipping Dots now? Geez!

On to the fireworks which were spectacular as always.  

And thus ended our very summertime sort of day.  Outside in the sun, with the people, enjoying life. 

We spent the entire day Sunday inside in order to recover from our ordeal.

And I'm so glad my suffering amuses you.

And now... fireworks! 




Tinkerbell! NOOOOOOOO!!!

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