Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that asks "Why are the lights in here so damn bright? And why are you shouting?"
Oh, that's just me? Sorry.
I hope you all have enjoyed your federally mandated holiday to celebrate the birthday of of yours truly, your humble blog meister.*
*Uh, if you did take the day off to celebrate my birthday and you are not me, you may have a wee bit of explaining to do come Monday morning.
In anticipation that I may have had a raucous party last night in celebration of my birthday, I have scheduled this, a special edition of bROkEN nEWs oN A bReAk!
**I have actually never had a party...raucous or otherwise...to celebrate my birthday. Please, don't feel sorry for me. Just send cash.
Here in the heart of spring with warmed up weather and bloomed up flowers, let's dial back to the cooler and less vegetative days of Autumn 2013 and see what was going on in headlines.
November 1, 2013
#BrokenNews “Britney Spears' music used to repel Somali pirates” And if that doesn’t work, Britney Spears herself is strapped to a harpoon* and shot at the pirates!
*Let me go ahead and save you the trouble: if you Google "Britney Spears strapped to a harpoon", the results are most disappointing.
#BrokenNews “Pretty Soon You'll Have To Be 21 To Buy Cigarettes In New York” But still only 16 to buy heroin.
November 8, 2013
#BrokenNews “Bangladesh Court Sentences 152 To Death For Mutiny” 152 death sentences at one time?! Texas says, “Challenge accepted!”*
*One moment please, bROkEN nEWs must issue a correction: Texas says, “YEE-HAA! Challenge accepted!” bROkEN nEWs apologizes for the error and any inconvenience you may have experienced.