I'm Dave-El and from time to time, I have to give over this space to one of our sponsors. As I've noted before, posting a high quality blog isn't cheap and neither is the shit I post here.
So let's see who we have on tap today to...
This guy is back?!
Ladies and gentlemen, do you need a van?
Does it need to be plain, white AND unmarked?
THEN COME ON DOWN TO THE ALL NEW BACK IN BUSINESS PLAIN WHITE UNMARKED VAN EMPORIUM!!!
This here's Dwayne LaFontaine and PLAIN WHITE UNMARKED VAN EMPORIUM
is BACK to make YOU a deal on the plain white unmarked van of your choice!
- Are you a pot-head with a brilliant idea to have a mobile marijuana farm? The cops can't bust you where you grow your weed if where you grow your weed keeps moving around from place to place, right?
God, you're a stupid ass-monkey! Like you're gonna be able to drive straight with all that pot in there! You do know that stuff smells, right? The cops see a weaving van that reeks of pot smoke while reggae music thumps loudly from the speakers; yeah the cops won't think to check that out! But until you figure that out or the cops bust you and guess which one I'm thinking is the most likely, YOU'RE GONNA NEED A VAN!
We have quick and easy financing here at PLAIN WHITE UNMARKED VAN EMPORIUM so you can get behind the wheel of a plain white unmarked van real quick because quite frankly, I want you off my lot as soon as possible!
- Are you a mass murdering maniac with a penchant for slaughtering your victims with a hatchet? Does it get your blood pumping to lure innocent victims to your "hatchetorium"?
Why you sick murdering sonuvabitch! There's a special corner of Hell waiting for you where you'll be punished for all eternity for all your hatchet murdering affronts to God and nature! You'll be strapped naked to a extra spiky cactus in a burning hot desert and your dick will be cut off with a rusty hand saw where it will grow back slowly and painfully and then it gets hacked off again and again. and again! But until you reach your eternal damnation for your heinous murdering acts, YOU'RE GONNA NEED A VAN!
So come see me, Dwayne LaFontaine...or better yet one of my sales staff because the less I personally know anything about you, the better! God, you people make me sick!
The NEW PLAIN WHITE UNMARKED VAN EMPORIUM is located at the I-47/Paper Mill Road interchange right across from the Happy Squirrel Bar & Lounge! We're open Monday through Saturday but not on Sundays 'cause you need to get your asses in church and try to save your misbegotten souls!
So remember for whatever illegal, hateful, despicable, ill considered, disgusting activities you have in mind, come on down to PLAIN WHITE UNMARKED VAN EMPORIUM.
'Cause...YOU'RE GONNA NEED A VAN!
For more on Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, click HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.
Thanks for popping by and if the creek don't rise and the checks from Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium don't bounce, I'll see you tomorrow.
Until then, be good to one another.