Monday, July 1, 2013

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor#8

 Hi there!

Dave-El here and welcome to another installment of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You.

As you know, it takes financial backing to provide high quality content to be posted to a popular and well beloved blog.

And what the hell, I'll also take money for the shit we do here.

Our sponsor recently has been Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, a retail outlet that specializes in the sale of vans. That are plain. White. And unmarked.

Duh.

Well, I say "recently". The last text advertisement they posted here was back on May 29th, over a month ago.  I was starting to worry. I mean, Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium dealt with customers who were (How can I put this politely? Oh yeah, I can't.) morons or crooks or sex fiends or murderers or, sometimes, all of the above. (Why Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium thought my blog was a perfect platform to reach their target clientele, I have NO idea.) Still, it paid the bills. (And American Glory still has not settled with the Scooby Doo people yet.)

Well, it turns out the Emporium's owner, Dwayne DeFontaine, had a bit of a...ah, a breakdown.

(And if you want to see the links to the first two spots for Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium here and here, you can see THAT comes as NO surprise.)

But do not fret! Dwayne's son has stepped in to run the business for dear old Dad. So sit back and enjoy this message from our sponsor.....

__________________________________________

 
Greetings and salutations!
 
Are you looking for a van? A plain white unmarked van of simple design but with a multiple array of uses? Then Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium can help! I am Dwayne DeFontaine Jr but my friends call me Rama Lama Dee.

And ALL living beings are my friends! And my friends, whatever your goals are in life, as my father likes to say, you're gonna need a van.
 
Are you a budding artist looking to make the first forays into your new life of self expression? You going to need to need a means of mobility to travel to different sources of inspiration and a base to store and employ the tools of your artistic trade. My friend, you're gonna need a van.
 
A plain white unmarked van provides a perfect blank slate for the starting point of your artistic journey and you can find your choice of plain white unmarked vans here at Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium!
 
Are you but a humble worker, ready and able to provide the sweat of your honest labor to the tasks of living wherever you may find work? Bringing in crops for the hungry or building a house for the poor, as you go where karma leads you to be of benefit to your fellow, my friend, chances are quite good you're gonna need a van.
 
A plain white unmarked van tells the world, "I'm not defined by my own preconceived notions of self but rather, I am here to help this world as this world needs me to help." If this is your message for Mother Earth, then we can help you send that message with the plain white unmarked van that calls to you here at Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium.
 
Are you an explorer, a restless spirit that seeks to discover the hidden wonders and beauties of this world? This journey may take you the coldest peaks of the highest mountains or to the hottest expanses of the desert plains and everywhere in between. For such a journey, you need to be prepared for anything. For such a journey, my friend, you're gonna need a van.
 
Here at Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, all are welcome! We do not judge the path you are on in life. We believe that inherently all men and women are good and if, for a time, your path leads you through a valley of darkness, there will always be light to break the darkness and all will be forgiven. 
 
Are you on an inner quest? With the aid of Mother Earth and her bountiful herbs, perhaps your journey is one of placidity for you to contemplate the universe from a fixed point in space as your consciousness explores the infinities of time. As some point, such exploration will lead to inspiration to seek a new destination as well as sustenation because you will be very, very hungry and when that time comes, my friend, you're gonna need a van.
 
At Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, we are here to help you get  on the road to your self-discovery. Cash, credit or the goodness of the human spirit are all viable methods of reaching an understanding to put you behind the wheel of a plain white unmarked van. And one day, that van may have a design, colors, a special identity but that will be yours to find and grow, my friends. We are but humble servants here to provide you the blank canvas on which to discover your vision, your destiny.
 
So this is Rama Lama Dee welcoming one and all to Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, off the access road 3 miles east of the Business I-97/Old Mill Road interchange, right across from Barış Aşk ve krep Evi (The House of Peace, Love and Pancakes), formerly Casa de Mamá María de Cien Enchiladas, formerly Hardee's



 So come to Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium
...whenever! Your time is our time. Every day is a holy gift and all of Mother Earth is our church.  But whatever your journey of artistic expression, self discovery or world exploration, remember what my father Dwayne DeFontaine always says: you're gonna need a van!

Thank you!


__________________________________________

OK, that was...different.*

*I think when Dwayne DeFontaine gets out of the sanitarium and he sees this, he's going to turn right around and check himself back in again.

Thanks once more to our sponsor, Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, for helping this blog keep the lights on and helping me stay at least momentarily distracted away from comic book and fetish porn websites.

I appreciate you dropping by I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You and I hope you come back soon for a return visit. And you know what? I'm feeling pretty magnanimous right now so why don't you go give Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium a visit? There has never been a better time to buy a plain white unmarked van because, unlike his dad, I don't think Dwayne Jr is as likely to shoot you.
________________________________________

 And don't forget to follow Dave-El on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo.  And a shout to Bully the Stuff Little Bull who is 6 Years Old. (Again.) Go wish him a happy birthday on Twitter at https://twitter.com/bully_thelsb or check out one of the top five funniest comic book blog ever written by a little stuff animal at http://bullyscomics.blogspot.com/.











 

Completely Sensible Murder

So I heard on the radio recently a news item about how the police were investigating the senseless murder of a local man. "Senseless ...