Monday, July 15, 2013

Bad Ideas Averted#1: "Maybe We Call Him Aquaman Instead?"

The following events are...almost true.

Yes, back in 1941 a couple of comic book guys created a legend for the ages. As for who came up with what, who do I look like, Roy Thomas? But I do have a little skit to serve up as part of a (possibly recurring) new feature I like to call Bad Ideas Averted. 

"Hey, Paul?"

"Yeah, Mort?"

"Look, we're coming up short for a feature to round out the next issue of More Fun Comics. I've got an idea for something but I need you to draw it for me."

"I'll see what I can do, Mort. So whatcha got?"

" Well, it's about a guy who can swim underwater."

"I can swim underwater, Mort."

"I mean, he can swim underwater a long time. He breathes underwater."

"OK, what else you got?"

"Well, because he spends so much time underwater, he's pretty strong and he's a super fast swimmer. He probably go faster than a U-boat."

"And anything else?"

"Yeah, Paul. He can talk to fish."

"He can talk to fish?"

"Yeah, he can talk to fish!"

"I'm not sure that's going to be very helpful, Mort."

"Yeah, it can. Hey, think about this. The bad guys' got an aquarium and the gold fish hears all their crooked plans."

"Mort, fish don't have ears, do they?"

"The fish reads lips then, OK? Work with me here, Paul."

"I'm working, I'm working."

"So Aquaman shows up and the bad guys are gone but the fish tells him everything."

"Yeah, I guess. What if the bad guys have a hamster?"

"A hamster?"

"Yeah, a hamster."

"Why would they have a hamster?"

"Why would they have a fish?"


"Well, I'm just asking."

"Never mind! Look, we've got a few days to put 6 pages together for the next issue of More Fun. We'll hash out the details later."

"Hey, Bill over at Timely's got an underwater character..."

"No, no, no! Not listening, Paul!"

"Look, I'm just saying...."

"First of all, Bill's character is a freak, OK? A pointy eared mostly naked freak with a lousy attitude."


"And what?"

"Well, Mort, you said 'first of all'. I assumed there was a 'secondly' coming along next."

"Yeah, well, and secondly, Bill's freak can't talk to fish."

"I'm not sure the talking to fish is really a big selling point..."

"He can't talk to fish, Paul! And our guy can, OK?"



"So, Mort, this guy, who swims and breathes underwater..."

"...and talks to fish!"

"And talks to fish, right. So you gotta name for this guy?"

"Yeah! We're gonna call him.....Sea Man!"

"Sea Man?"

"Sea Man!"

"Sea Man."

"Yeah! Hey, I figure you could draw up some kind of stylized 'S' or something, like Superman."

"For...Sea Man."

"And there some good stuff you can draw! Such as when Sea Man comes spurting out of the ocean in a spray of white foam."

"This is Sea Man, bursting out you say?"

"Yeah, Sea Man. Look, Paul, you don't seem to be on board with this name. Is there a problem?"

"With Sea Man? Nooo."

"OK, then."


"But what?"

"How about, I don't know, how about....Aquaman!"


"Yeah, Aquaman."

"I don't know, Paul."

"Yeah, Mort! He'll be at the front of the alphabet. You know, Superman's got that 'S' thing all covered pretty good. I think I can do something pretty snazzy with the letter A."

"Well, it sounds...OK."

"Sure it does, Mort."

"So, not Sea Man?"

"I think we should say no to Sea Man."

"OK, Aquaman it is! And Paul?"

"Yeah, Mort?"

"He still talks to fish."

"Yeah, Mort. He still talks to fish."

----the end----  (or as they say in French, "Fin") 

Action Comics#1000

Shhhhhh! I'm reading Superman in Action Comics#1000!   And it.... is.... AWESOME!!!