Hi! Dave-El here welcoming you to my little home away from home, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that 63% more fiber than the average blog.
I hope everyone in America had a fantastic 4th of July. And to the rest of the world, please remember that while America may not be not a perfect nation, we are a nation of freedom and opportunity as we strive for the ideals put forth by our founding fathers nearly 2 and a half centuries ago. We are also a nation full of people with Attention Deficit Disorder and access to nuclear weapons.
Today is Friday and that means it's time for #BrokenNews, America's most dependable* source of lame topical humor.**
*Except for last Friday but that doesn't count. I was really, really busy.
**Please remember that this is not the Daily Show and I do not have a staff of writers. And you did not pay to get in here.
Today's edition of #BrokenNews is brought to you by Mohammed Morsi's House Party, Al Jazeera's #1 Dance Show! Overthrow your oppression & mambo with Morsi!
And by the Egypt Tourist Board: come for the turmoil; stay for the uncertainty.
Hey, blog readers! After the 1st eleven headlines look for a SPECIAL bonus!
Speaking of MSNBC
And now, for even more
- #BrokenNews “Cher: Tom Cruise was one of my top 5 lovers” Tom Cruise: “Oh, if I could turn back time…”
- #BrokenNews “Teenage girl invents flashlight powered by the warmth of your hand” Caution: tends to overload when used by teenage boys.
- #BrokenNews “Supreme Court Rejects Bid To Halt Same-Sex Weddings” Clarence Thomas: “What the hell did I vote for today?” (He asks that every time.)
- #BrokenNews “Gun Owners Say Goodbye To High-Capacity Magazines” They won’t miss those annoying subscription card inserts.
- #BrokenNews “Judge dismisses suits against ex-Elmo puppeteer” I would say the accused was tickled pink but that seems wrong somehow.
- #BrokenNews “Rush Limbaugh: Fox News Tried To Censor Me” Rush wanted to use his “talent on loan from God” line but Bill O’Reilly denied lending Rush anything.
- #BrokenNews “How To Have More Energy For Sex (And Everything Else)” I use clean burning natural gas for my sex energy.
- #BrokenNews “Statue Of Liberty Finally Open Again” And open to everyone….NOT so fast, huddled masses!
- #BrokenNews “Rose McGowan Stuns In Little Black Dress” Her dress is made from living electric eels.
- #BrokenNews “Bikini Gets Woman Banned From Water Park” Wow! And I thought this only happened to me!
- #BrokenNews “Poll: Americans say founding fathers would be disappointed by today's US” Not by everything: I’m sure Jefferson would regard Beyonce as a positive.
- #BrokenNews "J. Lo: Sorry I sang for Turkmenistan leader” Turkmenistan leader: “I’m sorry she sang for me too.”
So that's that for today's #BrokenNews. Don't forget that Dave-El is on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo, desperate for your love and attention.