Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Tips For Newborns


Hi there! Welcome to my blog, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You. I'm Dave-El and I'm glad you decided to pop by, especially if you're first time reader. 

I mean, a really first time reader. Like you've just been born and you're already trolling the internet? Wow! And I know it may not look like you've gotten off to a great start, little infant, because...well, you wound up here. 

But you're in luck! Just the other day on Twitter, this topic was trending: 


So naturally I had a few comments on that topic, not that anyone asked me. (No one ever asks me.) Anyway, here are few things that may be of help to you, my new infant reader.  

  • Be sure to stare at the ceiling really hard! There could be ghosts up there! 
  • Enjoy the worry free pooping while you can 
  • Invest in a varied financial portfolio. 
  • Or you just drool a lot, your call, really 
  • Know this: we are not saving enough for college so a job with a paper hat is in your future. 
  • It's really cute when you lay on your back, kick and goo...now! Trust me, no one wants to see you do that when you're 50! 
  • There is no such thing as a money back guarantee on babies no matter what your daddy tells you.

And here is one more comment on the topic. 

 should run about 15% of the bill; bump it up to 20% when they become toddlers.

OK, baby blog follower, I hope that proves helpful in some way. Good luck with that life thing and whatever you do in life, above all be a good person. 
____________________________

Speaking of newborns (and to anyone who actually misses winter): 

Art by Tim Rickard. Caption by David Long


Be good to one another, y'all! 

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