Saturday, August 27, 2016

Reheated Tweets

It's amazing what a difference the right kind of drugs can make in a life. Me, I've gone for three straight days of feeling pretty damn yucky to a state of kind of darn yucky-ish. 

Hey, I'm too cynical and yes, even a bit superstitious to ever admit to feeling better. Too many things can go wrong. Still, there is a measurable improvement over how I've felt for the last three to four days. So I am prepared to say I feel like I suck less now.  

While I work on getting myself back up and running, permit me to present an edition of Reheated Tweets. This is where I take tweets that you don't read over on my Twitter account and bring them over here in a single spot where they can not be read with even greater ease and efficiency.  

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First up, here are some tweets on a trending hashtag
  1. 19 Kids & Counting! No, not THAT one! My version: a bachelor has to decide which young goat he wants to fuck.
  2. Does This Look Infected To You?
  3. America's Next Top Dental Hygienist
  4. America's Got Fallon! Jimmy Fallon vs. Jimmy Fallon! Hosted by Jimmy Fallon! Special guest: Jimmy Fallon!
  5. American Heigl -- America votes on who will be Katherine Heigl's personal assistant.
  6. The Moist! People plagued with excessive sweating compete for cash and prizes. Also talcum powder.
  7. Lancing With the Stars! Celebrities with large boils filled with pus, desperately needing to be lanced.
  8. Project Runway! No, not THAT one! My version: human contestants vs. jet airliners!
  9. So You Think You Can Just Sit There?
  10. Survivor! Not THAT one! My version: 3 people locked in a room forced to listen to Eye of the Tiger over & over..
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Next up are some tweets I posted for the hashtag, 
#ConfuseAWaiter

I want to order food. I don't know what kind. Just bring me food. #ConfuseAWaiter

No, no fish. Just tartar sauce, please. #ConfuseAWaiter

Sometimes this can #ConfuseAWaiter
Waiter: Can I start you off with some drinks?
Me: Actually we know what food we want to order
Waiter:...

Could I have extra gluten, please? 
#ConfuseAWaiter

Waiter starts to refill my tea.
Me: "No more for me, I'm driving." 
#ConfuseAWaiter

Me holding the menu upside down: "Hey, this menu is defective!" #ConfuseAWaiter
I like my salads made with free range cucumbers. 
#ConfuseAWaiter

No, I said I wanted to see the desert menu. I've got a hankering for some after dinner sand. #ConfuseAWaiter

I would like sweet potato fries but could you make them with regular potatoes? #ConfuseAWaiter

Are these Belgian waffles made from real Belgians? 
#ConfuseAWaiter


That last one is my favorite. Never gets old. Never! 

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Next up are a couple of graphics posted on Twitter that required my commentary. 



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So I guess that's all the damage I can do around here today. Another new post is up tomorrow which is Sunday so you know what that means. Yep, Doctor Who stuff! 

Until next time, remember to be good to one another.  

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