Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Random Stupidity

Hi there! Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that asks the question, "Have you ever been mellow? Well, have you, punk?!"  

Ah, nothing like mixing the mellow gold of Olivia Newton-John with Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry, huh?  

Today's post is some random stupidity from various Tweets from my Twitter feed (which can be found here).  

I'm not sure what brought this on but I had this random bad pun that I just had to get out of my system.  

What do you call a funny Star Trek villain made out of sand? 
Silly Kahn! 

Get it? Silly... *beat* Kahn? 
Hello,is this thing on?

As is my want, I tried to turn this bad pun/joke thingy into a franchise of other bad jokes based on sci-fi stuff. 

Did you hear an old enemy on Doctor Who is opening up a fishing supply business? 
It's called Master Bait! 

C'mon, that's.. funny...ish

What do you call a show about cloning experiments at a women's prison? 
Orange Is The New Orphan Black! 

C'mon, that..

What do you get when you cross a frog with a Jedi? 
Star Warts! 

You see, you add a "t" to Star Wars and... *beat* 
...never mind.

Now that last one, that may have a shot at getting into Highlights For Children, right? 

Even more out of left field were a series of Tweets I posted on the subject of secret body parts.  The first one, "goozle", was a word I heard used by mom and other grown ups when I was a child in southeastern North Carolina. Most commonly used in the following sentences: 

  • "That warmed my goozle." A good kind of warming brought on by soup or hot chocolate.
  • "That burned my goozle." A bad side effect of something being too hot or too spicy.  

Occasionally, I'll let the word "goozle" slip into my vernacular but nobody seems to know what I'm talking about.  Apparently the goozle is a secret body part and only a few pockets of humanity (such as in southeastern North Carolina) knows about it. 

So under a hashtag of #SecretBodyParts, I began to post a list of 9 other heretofore unknown parts of the human body. 

Top Ten List of #SecretBodyParts  

  1. Goozle
  2. Riggler
  3. Upper Gwernk and Lower Gwernk (connects the Goozle to the Riggler)
  4. Schnark (men only)
  5. Schleckendoint
  6. Schleckendoink (similar to the Schleckendoint but only occurs in 17% of the population)
  7. Floobie (women only)
  8. Woobie (women only, secretes mucous that lubricates the Floobie)
  9. Farkenlarken (inert until adolescence)
  10. The Brain (optional)

Oh, that last one, ain't I the clever and/or snarky guy. 

I tend to use "schleckendoink" mostly in the winter; for example, "It's cold enough out here to freeze my schleckendoink off."  

Unlike the goozle (which I assume is somewhere in the chestular area) and the brain (it could be anywhere but for guys, it's somewhere in our pants), all the other terms are less specifically defined. Why? Because I am not a trained specialist in human biology, that's why. 


Comics Blah Blah Comics weighs in on the forthcoming Batman/Superman movie. And have I changed my mind about 2013's Man of Steel?


What the hell is coming through Bruce Wayne's window this week? 
Can we make it stop? 
For all that is sacred, can we make it stop?!?!


It's a dessert topping!
It's a toilet cleanser! 
It's BOTH! 
The not at all awaited, completely un-demanded return of ALL NEW Broken News.

In the meantime, be good to one another, OK?

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Hey, I'm still working to keep my New Year's resolution to watch MORE television. How is that going? _________________________...