Sunday, July 13, 2014

This (Non) Sporting Life: Somebody's Going BACK To Cleveland?!?!

Hi there! Welcome to another installment of This (Non) Sporting Life, the blog post about sports from a guy who doesn't know much about sports. 

There are certain stories that even a non sports oriented guy like me will pick up on because it's really A BIG DEAL! Such as the recent loss by Brazil to Germany during the World Cup. As a student of history, I'm always a bit concerned when I hear of any country getting beat by Germany in a global event beginning with the word "World". In this case, the second word being "Cup" and not "War", then the world should really be worried because soccer...excuse me, "futbol" A REALLY BIG DEAL! 

Soccer is a really, really, REALLY BIG DEAL in Brazil. Love of soccer is even bigger than Brazil's insects. 

Seriously, what the hell...?  

So there was much crying and gnashing of teeth in Brazil which had already engraved the World Cup trophy and everything. This was a major blow to the Brazilian psyche, almost as painful as a Brazilian bikini wax.  

And the thing is, the Germany-Brazil game wasn't the final. No, there were still more games of the World Cup to be played. And the World Cup was in Brazil. 

OK, it's kind of like this: dude, you're about to get married to the girl of your dreams when the minister asks, "Is there anyone here who objects to this marriage?". And some guy actually stands up and says, "I object! I should be marrying this woman!"  And your blushing bride exclaims, "Yes! Yes, I will marry you instead! And right now!" And now you have to stand there and watch while the two of THEM get married instead AND be there on their honeymoon! 

So, Brazil, do I understand your pain? 

Well, at least you got a shot at 3rd place in the World Cup, right? 

Brazil Destroyed By Netherlands In 3rd Place Match



On the exact and complete opposite of the emotional spectrum is Cleveland OH.  Back in 2010, the Cleveland Cavaliers lost their absolute best chance at winning an NBA title when basketball superstar LeBron James decided to load up the truck and move to Miami with its swimming pools and movie stars where he figured he had a better chance of winning an NBA championship.  

Well, that certainly seemed awfully self-centered and opportunistic.  

It also proved to be correct as LeBron and the Miami Heat won two titles over the last four years.  

Correct or not, Cleveland did not take the departure of Lebron James all that well. 
There was much crying and gnashing of teeth in Brazil Cleveland as the radio airwaves were filled with angry rants and the skyline filled with the smoke of burning LeBron James Cleveland Cavalier jerseys.  

This week LeBron announced he was returning to Cleveland and to the Cavaliers. 

And there was much rejoicing in Cleveland.

After all, it's not everyday someone intentionally and voluntarily returns to Cleveland. 

OK, before I move on, a bit about that image above. On the left is a still from an episode of The Fairly Oddparents where Cosmo wants to attend the wonderful, magical "Land of Cleve".  There's a running gag about crime scenes in the city of Cleveland. For example, there's this particular exchange: 

Police Officer: "Just stay out of the crime scene, OK?"

Wanda: "But the whole city is a crime scene!"

Ah, fun at Cleveland's expense! There's nothing more American, is there?*

*I'm willing to re-examine this viewpoint with an all expense paid trip to Cleveland.**

**I'm willing to re-examine my viewpoint of anywhere. I really need to get out of the house. 

The second half is taken from the cover of Cleveland's Plain Dealer newspaper which heralds the coming of their messiah... I mean, LeBron James. 


Fine, "messiah", then. 

So it seems all is forgiven. The airwaves are filled with declarations of joy and of victories yet to be won. The truly faithful among the Cavalier fans retrieve the LeBron James jerseys they did not burn and weep tears of relief and happiness.  The yellow crime scene tape glistens in the sunshine. All is right with Cleveland. 

Meanwhile, Brazil considers plans for an insect invasion of Germany and the Netherlands.

Be good to one another. 


I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You


Amended July 13, 6:12 PM 


Germany won its fourth World Cup after a tense 1-0 victory over Argentina in Brazil in extra time.

Congratulations, Germany, and don't let it go to your head, OK?  

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