Thursday, September 4, 2014

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor#16


Hi there and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the internet's leading provider of misguided delusions since, well, last year. 

I'm Dave-El and I am most grateful you've stopped by for a visit. I do need to tell you up front, however, that I am turning today's post over to one of this blog's sponsors.

Yes, this blog has sponsors. 

Now you haven't heard from any of them for awhile because for several months, this blog as been supported by grants from the MacArthur Foundation and the Pew Charitable Trust. To be honest, there may have been a little misunderstanding that I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You was less of a blog and more of a public radio station. I'm not really sure how they got that idea but they've rectified their misunderstanding, agreed not to press charges against me (not that I have done anything wrong!) and that's that. 

So it's back to our sponsors. 

Here's the deal: I give over this space to a sponsor who in turns presents a blog post that serves as a de facto ad ("de facto" is Latin for "the facto") for their product or service. 

So let's see who we have on board today.  

___________________________________________________________

Hi! I want to talk to you about energy. 

Americans get energy from a variety of sources but are those sources sufficient for our needs and right for our environment?

Oil is a leading source of energy in America and while we are producing more oil here at home than we have in years, we can't always count on deep fryers to provide the oil we need.  

Coal is a great source of energy but lumps of coal are icky looking and gets black stuff on your hands. And you have to go underground to get it? How long can we keep that up before the mole people seek vengeance?

Solar power? Really? What are you going to do for energy at night? 

Natural gas? It's colorless and odorless. To be honest, I'm not sure it exists. Why trust your energy needs to a resource you can't verify by sight or smell?

What America needs is a source of energy that is abundant, effective, inexpensive and friendly to the environment. 


What America needs is Ecto Supernatural Gas.
 
Ecto Supernatural Gas provides clean and effective energy for homes, schools, businesses, hospitals,  everybody!
 
How does Ecto Supernatural Gas provide such a wonderful energy product that keeps America running while not damaging the environment?
 
The answer is…the spirits of the dearly departed.
 
By combining the most modern scientific advances with ancient arcane rituals involving spells spoken in a mysterious language and blood sacrifices, Ecto Supernatural Gas is able to tap into the spirit world and drawing the spirits of the dead into these specially developed power orbs. These orbs provide clean, renewable energy wherever it’s needed.
 
Just think about it: your long dead great grandmother’s spirit could be powering your house right now. 

(Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!)

Or that deceased uncle who was a real jerk in life can now be a helpful source of energy for your local school or hospital.

(The pain!!! The paaaaaaaaaaiinnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!)

Isn't it a warm and comforting thought to know that your family can provide for your comfort and safety even from beyond the grave?

(AAAAIIIIIIIYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 
All of this is possible thanks to safe, renewable Ecto Supernatural Gas.


Warning!

  • Power orbs using spirits of those condemned to hell may experience uncontrollable energy surges.
  • The faint echo of distant screaming is a natural occurrence of Ecto Supernatural Gas
  • Service contracts must be signed in blood. (It doesn't have to be yours.)  
  • In any dwelling using Ecto Supernatural Gas, do not invoke the following names:
    • Beelzebub
    • Cthulhu 
    • Beetlejuice 
    • Ann Coulter 
    • The name of one of the Spice Girls. (We don't know which one so best not to mention any of them.)
    • John Boehner 
    • The Grinch. Or the Lorax. Or the Cat in the Hat.
    • Voldemort 
  • Ecto Supernatural Gas can be safely inhaled. Unless you believe that you possess a soul. If so, try not to breathe too deeply.
  • Do not do that voodoo you do so well around Ecto Supernatural Gas.
  • The makers of Ecto Supernatural Gas are not responsible for damages caused by poltergeists. 
  • No, we did not see that. Nor did we hear any noise. It's just your imagination.
So if you're looking for an endlessly renewable source of clean, efficient and cost effective energy, oil and coal don't stand a ghost of a chance when compared to the wonders of Ecto Supernatural Gas.

Join in the spirit of an energy independent America and switch over to Ecto Supernatural Gas...today! 





OK, what the hell?

That's just...weird? Well, as long as the money's good. 

Anyway thank you for sticking around for our sponsor's message today. Tomorrow...


  • Did it just get colder in here?


Er, tomorrow, we have a brand new edition of....


  • Where's that moaning sound coming from?


Where was I? Oh, a brand new edition of Broken News that will...


  • OK, the howling is a bit much! I think I better get out of here!


...

...

...

Oh, and be good to one another.  

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