Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Yes, We Do Too Know Dick!

Recently someone posted an obituary on Twitter about the passing of a man named Butt. Richard Butt. But his friends called him "Dick". Yep, Dick Butt.

Yeah, for reals. Check this out: 

Man, I feel sorry for Dicks. (And that really didn't come out right, did it? And to be honest, that question is a bit iffy as well.) There were a lot of Dicks out there. Dick was the nice, friendly name one used in lieu of the stuffier Richard. I think most regular guys would prefer to be a Dick than a Richard. Richard is your lawyer or your orthodontist, dependable but boring. Now if you want to hit some bars and get shitfaced drunk, then you need Dick.

I don't know how long the word "dick" has been used as a euphemism for penis but I don't think it was particularly ubiquitous maybe 20 years ago or so. Now your grandmother might stifle a giggle is someone says, "Hey, as anyone seen Dick around here?"

Since my last name is Long, I think I'm glad my parents did not name me Richard; I'm sure I would've come under more abuse from school bullies than I already did. On the other hand, I could have maybe turned to my advantage. "My name is Dick Long and yes, ladies, it's accurate." (Yeah, I'm sure that would've worked.)  

Dicks are all over my hometown of Greensboro. 

There's a funeral home chain called Forbis and Dick.

Two local radio stations are owned by Dick Broadcasting.  

And then there's this woman: 

This is not a very good scan but the person circled in red is... Lotta Dick

I am not lying. That's her name. She shows up in society columns occasionally hosting soirees for the symphony and the theatre, that sort of thing, leading to such lines as "The symphony received quite a boost from Lotta Dick" or "The arts community really likes Lotta Dick." 

And just to make this more uncomfortable, to her left is a woman with the last name of Cummings and another woman in the upper right has a last name of Cockman

Man, what kind of crazy ass town is this? 

I don't know what it's like in your town but here in Greensboro, yes, we do too know dick. In fact, we know Lotta Dick. 

Y'all be good to one another out there. 

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