Hi there! I'm Dave-El and this is I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that lifts AND separates!
And today's topic is BOOBS!
Not BOOBS as in stupid people. This is not about men; this is about women. I'm talking BOOBS as in knockers, hooters, tits, tatas, the Napa valley*.
*Napa valley?.
Women's breasts.
And why is this today's topic? Well, I'm a straight male and...well, that should cover it.
Seriously, BOOBS? And why am I capitalizing it like that every time?
I really have no idea why I'm doing that.
BOOBS.
And I did it again!
So why is this the topic of today's post? Personally I blame Gail Simone.
OK, denizens of the internet in general and of Twitter in particular, who doesn't love Gail Simone? She's such a sharp and witty person.
Maybe a bit too sharp and too witty? One of my Twitter followers Hell is Empty @Sleestak has a theory:
- Gail Simone
- Gail SIMONE
- SIM ONE
- SIMULATION 1
- Gail Simone is an AI?
That would explain a lot. How can so much talent and charm be contained in one normal human being? Perhaps she is an Artificial Intelligence, programmed to lure all us geeks in to form a private army.
As much as Gail Simone is adored, if she is an AI, there was an important question that needed to be asked and I was the one to ask it.
@Sleestak And is she an EVIL AI or an AI that has not yet been turned towards EVIL?
HiE could only come to one conclusion.
Well, even if it's true, I don't think Gail has fully given in to her evil programming so I will continue to enjoy her posts on Twitter. Such as the other day (Yes, this is to get back around to BOOBS!) when Gail was posting ideas for #BoobSongs.
It seemed like fun so I joined in. So here are my suggestions for
- Boobs Just Wanna Have Fun
- I Guess That's Why They Call It The Boobs
- Boobs Over Troubled Water
- StairBoob To Heaven
- Midnight Boobs To Georgia
- Strawberry Boobs Forever
- Rolling In the Boobs
- Sweet Boob Alabama
- Wind Beneath My Boobs
- I would also accept Boobs Beneath My Wings
- I'll Be There For Boobs
So begins the conquest of Earth by Gail Simone, AI. While she takes over the world, I and other men around the globe are distracted by the thought of BOOBS and how to put BOOBS in song titles.
It is a nefarious scheme.
BOOBS!
____________________________________________
The funny thing, while most men are obsessed with women's breasts, few men truly understand how they work. No, I don't mean that whole "producing milk" thing but how breasts are supposed to just, well, be. Too many Victoria's Secret catalogs and soft porn movies on Cinemax have given men a rather idealized view of how breasts are supposed to behave.
Following is an art lesson by Meghan Hetrick on the subject of what men think women's breasts should do and what they really do.
So I hope all you men out there understand how breasts are really supposed to function in Earth's gravity. And we should collectively stand up and demand that women in TV, movies, comic books and more should be portrayed in a more realistic manner. Because this is the 21st century, dammit, and women should be treated with respect and not objectified as-
Hey, a Power Girl statue is coming up.
Sweet!
______________________________________
Yep, Power Girl.
Oh man, she could use those to balance her dinner plate at the Golden Corral buffet bar!
I remember Power Girl first appeared with the Justice Society back in the mid-1970's. Power Girl was a curvaceous young woman but nothing particularly outlandish. But apparently artist Wally Wood kept augmenting Power Girl a little bit with each issue. By the time Joe Staton came on board as the Justice Society's artist, Power Girl's breasts had their own gravitational field.
Over the years it actually became an in-story element, idle gossip among the super hero set (and the villains) about if they were real and how does she fly with those things anyway?
One time, Superman and Batman employed Power Girl's BOOBS as a tactital advantage. Really!
The thing is, as sometimes off-puttingly large as Power Girl's breasts are in the comics, this statue seems to really make her breasts really, really uncomfortably large. Are they saluting?
So if you're not content to drool over Power Girl bursting out of her white leotard in the pages of the comics, you can now drool over her as she adorns your bookshelf.
Really, who would have this on their bookshelf?
BOOBS.
And I didn't mean breasts that time.
_______________________________________
It is a nefarious scheme.
BOOBS!
____________________________________________
The funny thing, while most men are obsessed with women's breasts, few men truly understand how they work. No, I don't mean that whole "producing milk" thing but how breasts are supposed to just, well, be. Too many Victoria's Secret catalogs and soft porn movies on Cinemax have given men a rather idealized view of how breasts are supposed to behave.
Following is an art lesson by Meghan Hetrick on the subject of what men think women's breasts should do and what they really do.
So I hope all you men out there understand how breasts are really supposed to function in Earth's gravity. And we should collectively stand up and demand that women in TV, movies, comic books and more should be portrayed in a more realistic manner. Because this is the 21st century, dammit, and women should be treated with respect and not objectified as-
Hey, a Power Girl statue is coming up.
Sweet!
______________________________________
Yep, Power Girl.
Oh man, she could use those to balance her dinner plate at the Golden Corral buffet bar!
I remember Power Girl first appeared with the Justice Society back in the mid-1970's. Power Girl was a curvaceous young woman but nothing particularly outlandish. But apparently artist Wally Wood kept augmenting Power Girl a little bit with each issue. By the time Joe Staton came on board as the Justice Society's artist, Power Girl's breasts had their own gravitational field.
Over the years it actually became an in-story element, idle gossip among the super hero set (and the villains) about if they were real and how does she fly with those things anyway?
One time, Superman and Batman employed Power Girl's BOOBS as a tactital advantage. Really!
The thing is, as sometimes off-puttingly large as Power Girl's breasts are in the comics, this statue seems to really make her breasts really, really uncomfortably large. Are they saluting?
So if you're not content to drool over Power Girl bursting out of her white leotard in the pages of the comics, you can now drool over her as she adorns your bookshelf.
Really, who would have this on their bookshelf?
BOOBS.
And I didn't mean breasts that time.
_______________________________________
I feel kind of bad that I've done an entire blog posts on women's breasts (BOOBS!) without actually showing a real live female woman of the opposite sex.
So guys (and any women who are so inclined and if you are so inclined, write to me NOW!), I present a photo of a waitress from Hooters, copied from my private gallery of Hooters Girls.
Did I say "private gallery"? Why, uh, no, I meant a photo copied from a random internet search. Yeah, that's what I meant. Er, that would be weird to have a collection of photos of Hooters girl, wouldn't it?
I think it's time to go now.
__________________________________________________________
So after luring in readers with a blog post on women's breasts, tomorrow I chase you all off again with a new installment of bROkEN nEWs.
On Saturday, it's a matter of life and death for Archie Andrews. Is Obamacare to blame? it's a strange mixture of comics and politics.
On Sunday, I post part 1 of my new Doctor Who fan fiction, The Son of the Master.
Until next time, remember to be BOOBS...er, good to one another.
Dave-El
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses BOOBS! You
So guys (and any women who are so inclined and if you are so inclined, write to me NOW!), I present a photo of a waitress from Hooters, copied from my private gallery of Hooters Girls.
Did I say "private gallery"? Why, uh, no, I meant a photo copied from a random internet search. Yeah, that's what I meant. Er, that would be weird to have a collection of photos of Hooters girl, wouldn't it?
I think it's time to go now.
__________________________________________________________
So after luring in readers with a blog post on women's breasts, tomorrow I chase you all off again with a new installment of bROkEN nEWs.
On Saturday, it's a matter of life and death for Archie Andrews. Is Obamacare to blame? it's a strange mixture of comics and politics.
On Sunday, I post part 1 of my new Doctor Who fan fiction, The Son of the Master.
Until next time, remember to be BOOBS...er, good to one another.
Dave-El
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses BOOBS! You
No comments:
Post a Comment