Friday, May 15, 2015

Release the Hounds, Smithers! Excellent!

I hate to talk about something when I don't have all the facts but...

Hell, who am I kidding? I do that with every blog post! So let's start again.

Harry Shearer, what the fuck, man? 

OK, a bit harsh but closer to the truth.*

*"Hate talking about things I don't now about"? Really?  

The big news in entertainment is that longtime voice actor Harry Shearer says he's leaving The Simpsons where he provides the voices for Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Seymour Skinner, Otto, Ned Flanders, etc etc etc. Now this show has been going on awhile; it recently finished the 26th year of it's acclaimed five year run. It might be understandable that you didn't realize The Simpsons was still a thing. 

True fact, kids: The Simpson actually started out white. They're just yellow now because of age. Really!**

**Oh, I'm so going to hell.  

Click here for a post from Entertainment Weekly where producer Al Jean tries to make sense of it all. It seems that one of Harry's demands is he wants more time to do other things. Al is confused because Harry doesn't have to come in for the script read throughs if he doesn't want to. He can phone in from wherever he may be to participate in a read through. And he doesn't even do that! 

For all I know, Al Jean is a real son of a bitch whose been keeping Harry Shearer locked away in a sound studio somewhere, forced to subsist on leftover ciabatta from Panera Bread and mineral water. Or maybe Harry Shearer is pulling a Verruca Salt and demanding imperiously to be given more of what he already has. In other words, maybe Al's a dick, maybe Harry's a dick, maybe their both dicks. Who knows? 

But in his interview with Entertainment Weekly, Al Jean has to hold the line as the guy in charge ("We can do this without him") AND hold out a bunch of olive branches at the same time ("But we'd rather not.") It almost sounds like Ned Flanders and Montgomery Burns are at war in his head. 

Flanders: Well, diddly diddly do da dee, Harry'll come back around, I'm sure of it! 
Burns: But he can be replaced. Just like Kaiser Wilhelm back in the Great War. 

Flanders: But we don't wanna replace him, no sirree. Harry's just so gosh darn good at what he does! (Pardon my language.) 
Burns: If he wants to leave, he will rue the day! Rue it! 

Flanders: Well, I'm a prayin' that this whole hooly hooly ba-looey can be put behind us and Harry will be welcomed back just like the Prodigal Son in the Bible.
Burns: Or I can unleash the hounds as they rend his flesh in screams of excruciating agony. 

Flanders: Okily-dokily! 
Burns: Excellent! 

This may all turn out to be the proverbial tempest in the teapot. Apparently Harry's made noises about leaving before. But his statement on Twitter seems to suggest this is going much further this time. 

So Al Jean, let me tell you that if I need to....and this would be a valiant sacrifice on my part giving all the important things I do on this blog-***

***shut up, I'm trying to make a case here!

-but I do a fairly good impression of Mr. Burns and Smithers. No, I've never done professional voice work before but I imagine it's not too hard to get the hang of. In fact, it's probably as easy as pie. 

Hmmmmmmmm! Pie! 

Everyone, be good to one another. And somebody give Al Jean a hug; I think he needs it. Harry, too. 

I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You

"I don't like the cut of your jib, Dave-El." 

Action Comics#1000

Shhhhhh! I'm reading Superman in Action Comics#1000!   And it.... is.... AWESOME!!!