Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The Rubio Crime Spree


Last week, the New York Times exposed the secret scandal of Marco Rubio (R-FL), U.S. Senator and presidential candidate. It seems he and his wife Jeanette have accumulated a total of 17 traffic citations for speeding, driving through red lights and careless driving.  

There was a certain breathless urgency that accompanied this story that belied the actual content within. 13 of those 17 citations were on Jeanette Rubio who is not running for president and should Marco Rubio succeed in his ambitions to secure the Republican nominations and subsequently the White House, I doubt either Rubio will be doing much driving after that.   

Of course those on the right took umbrage at the Times' tempest in a tea pot, chiding them for dredging up something as mundane as traffic violations when Hillary Clinton gets away with murder.*

*Ah, Vince Foster will never die. Well, in a manner of speaking.  

With the exposure of the heinous crimes of the Rubios on the Road, one might wonder what other crimes and misdeeds could be attributed to Marco Rubio and his spouse. So  began trending on Twitter (where I can be found here) and far be it from me to not jump in front of a bandwagon so here are my 10 contributions to this topic. 

  1. Borrowed garden tools, didn't bring them back
  2. Pretty sure Marco Rubio had something to with Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
  3. Driving with his left turn signal on for thirty f**king miles!
  4. Fondling melons in the produce section
  5. Wore plaids with stripes
  6. Always took a penny, never left a penny
  7. Imagined there's no heaven "I just tried," a guilty Rubio sobbed, "and it was so easy."
  8. Took his wife uptown but didn't funk her up
  9. Constantly sending Tweets on a trending hashtag just for the attention! 
  10. Took the last damn chocolate glazed cream filled doughnut! 

That last one was the most popular of the tweets. Man, you just don't mess with someone's doughnuts, you know? Especially if that person is ME and you take the last damn chocolate glazed cream filled doughnut!

Ahem! Sorry.  

Interesting thing: of the various people re-tweeting or clicking favorite, many of them were self-professed right wing, evangelical, gun toting, Obama hating persons. In other words, people who are not like me. I think that there was sense of righteous indignation that one of their own was being unfairly singled out for a relatively petty transgression. 

But I'm not a kindred spirit, men and women who clicked their approval of some of these Tweets. Me, I just thought it was funny and quite frankly, I would've come up with the same jokes if the New York Times had exposed the traffic citations of Martin O'Malley.**

**A Democratic presidential candidate. Really! No, I'm not making that up. He's really a guy who really running for...you know what, never mind.

That's not to say there may not be something to learn about this man and his wife who are seeking the White House.  But what exactly? Are these two people who are see themselves above the petty traffic laws of ordinary people? Or are they just really bad drivers? Read the article and you can decide. 

In the meantime, all of you, remember to be good to one another. 

And drive safely. 

And for God's sake, don't take the last damn chocolate glazed cream filled doughnut!

Dave-El 
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You
 

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