Saturday, December 26, 2015

Post Christmas Re-Heated Tweets Blues

'Twas the day after Christmas and down through the hall
No one's picked up the wrapping paper, not one scrap at all.
Each room is cluttered with ribbons and bows
C'mon, dammit, can't someone pick up any of those?
I kick at the trash, I fume and I bluster
But I'm tired as all fuck, this is all I can muster.
I sit at my computer to work on my blog
But my brain is like mush and thinking's a slog. 
So I go to my Twitter and copy some Tweets
And post to my blog <something that rhymes with Tweets>
Dave-El's got those post Christmas blues, this is all I can do
And I'm so glad my suffering amuses you.

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Here are some Tweets from Christmas Eve when I was supposed to be wrapping presents. How appropriate that this hashtag was trending. 


I'm working on my time machine to go back 4 weeks when I should've ordered stuff online.


I need to keep my schedule free to have sex with a hot fashion model. . I'm gonna wrap presents, aren't I?


but this glass of wine isn't going to drink itself.


I think if I wish really, really hard, the presents will wrap themselves.

but here I am on Twitter

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The big topic through a big part of the United States was how damn warm Christmas is this year. Here are some Tweets from other people on this very subject. 



Santa: "Hello, Sleigh Department? What's this new button on my dashboard marked 'AC?'" 
Elf: "Just ... just trust us this year, big guy."



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Heat brings out stress more than cold. That's why riots mostly happen in the summer. So combine hot weather with the already stressful time of the holiday season, well, it can be a bit much.  Check out these Tweets from other people.



How early is too early to start drinking in order cope with Christmas with the in-laws?

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OK, back to more of my Tweets from Christmas Eve. Here are some that I posted under the hashtag #MrsAndMrsClausArgument which could be happening right now. 

"You spent HOW MUCH on pumpkin spice & gingerbread?!? At Whole Foods?!?!"


"Why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?" (OK, I'm not sure which one said that.)


"I have to work with those damn elves all year & you invited them to Christmas dinner?!"


"No place like home for the holidays, my ass! It's cold! I wanna go to Vegas for Christmas but NO! You have to work!"


"What are Yukon Cornelius' boots doing here by the bed, woman?"


"But when its time for MY milk & cookies, suddenly you're lactose intolerant & on a diet!"

"That's not the kind of stockings you stuff presents in! You got some explaining to do, mister!"

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And that's all I have for today. Yes, we did venture out from the Fortress of Ineptitude on Christmas Day to go see this year's Doctor Who Christmas Special at Geeksboro Coffeehouse and Cinema. I'll post on that tomorrow.

Until next time, remember to be good to one another. 

Actress Elizabeth Montgomery (circa 1960's)
questioning the wisdom of entering
houses via chimneys.
Courtesy of Ken Levine.



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