Thursday, December 31, 2015

So Long 2015, You Bastard! (Drunk, Happy Edition)

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 

Hey! 

Welcome to my frog...er, blog, I'm So Glad My Suffering.





Amuses You.

I'm Dave-El and I'm not as think as you drunk I am! 

Hey, come back here, 2015, you bastard! Yeah, I said it! You're a bastard, 2015. You killed a lot of people but....I gotta say it, I love ya anyway! I do! I loves you, you old bastard! 

I mean, the Duke Boo Devils....uh, Blue...Blue Devils won the NCAAAAAAA Men's Basketball Championship! Oh hell yeah! Woo hoo! Yeah! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE!!! 

And then....and then....go figure, man, Duke goes and wins a game bowl football....wait, hold on....a football bowl game, there you go! So Duke's kickin' ass in basketball AND football AND....I don't know, maybe checkers, who knows? 

Hey, 2015, you let gay people get married! Good on you! Why should straight people be the only ones to suffer, am I right? Am I right? Hey, don't leave me hangin', bro! 

You know what else you done good at, 2015? You gave us some sweet pics of Pluto! Pluto, I'll have you know, is not just Mickey Mouse's dog, it's a planet! Yeah, yeah, yeah, some know it all scientists said it's not a planet but I say, fuck 'em, I say. Fuck all of 'em, it's a planet! 

Hey, that guy...you know, that guy, that guy with the, you know, the hat. Francis Pope! Yeah! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! That's Pope Francis! Yeah, that's right, the Pope! You saw where he came to America? Thousands of people, millions of 'em, came out to see him! That was sick! He sold out Madison Square Garden! And he outscored the Knicks 2 to 1! Man, the Knicks suck! 

Oh yeah, 2015, great idea having Donald Rump....Rump bump...Trump! running for President! It was good for a lot of laughs! For awhile. Gotta be honest with you, shit ain't funny anymore. Sorry, dude, gotta calls 'em as I sees 'em. 

Now you wanna know what you did that was really funny, 2015? You wanna know? I can tell you. You wanna me to tell you? OK, I'll tell ya! Hoverboards on fire! Hell, yeah! That's some sick shit there! Hoverboards! Fire! Wow! 

Hey, speakin' of seeing stuff, which was saying about seein' when I was talkin' 'bout Trump earlier and now I've lost control of this sentence. Hell with it. 

Saw some damn fine movies this year, for reals! Avengers and Ant Man were awesome! Woo-hoo! Off the hook, man! And that Pixar movie about the emotions, Inside Outside...or something like that, yeah, that (sniff!) made me cry. Really did! 2015, you bastard, I love you, you know that? 

And Star Wars: The Force Wakes Up?! Dee-Am! Yeah! Did not suck!!! Way to go, 2015!! 

Oh, oh, oh, oh! How could I forget Doctor Who? DOCTOR WHOOOOOOOOOO! Badadadum! Badadadum! 
Badadadum! Badadadum! Ooooooweeeoooooooooo! 
Ooooooweeeoooooooooo! 

Whoa! Getty a little woozy there.  

OK, OK, OK, OK!! All righty then. I think I need to go lie down for a while. You know, 2015, you did some bad shit this year, I'm not gonna lie. But you know what? You did some good shit too! Really, you did. You really, really, really.

Did.  

So let me fill this glass yet again and raise a toast....hold on second, need to steady myself...and raise a toast to 2015. So long 2015, you bastard! 

Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna....I'm gonna go lie down...somewhere....

<Thwump!>

Right here. I'm gonna lie down right here. 

You all be good...good to one....ano-

<Snore!>



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