Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Random Randomness

Hi there! Welcome to I’m So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, your internet source for chocolate gluten with extra infused peanut oil. I’m your humble blogger Dave-El and just like Lindsey Graham, I’m not running for President.

Christmas is fast approaching and I still need to buy stuff. As I write this I have my wife exactly 1 present. One!  That won’t do. Meanwhile, I do have presents for my daughter and when I say I have presents for my daughter, I mean I said to my wife, “Yeah, get that.” Both my daughter and I will be surprised by what she gets Christmas morning. And by Christmas morning, I mean any time after 12 midnight. Any time after midnight is technically Christmas morning, you know.

Speaking of Christmas gifts, if anyone has Steve Harvey on their shopping list, may I suggest reading glasses. Man, that was a major bonehead move Steve made Sunday night when he announced the wrong winner as the new Miss Universe. Actually, that whole Miss Universe thing is a total rip-off since the winner always comes from Earth. Always!  Anyway, Steve looked totally gobsmacked at committing the worst faux pas that a host of an awards show or pageant can ever make. Then he made matters worse when he attempted to apologize to Miss Philippines and wound up spelling it “Philippians”. Well, it was Sunday; Steve had his mind on Bible study.

Yeah, this was a major embarrassment. And this will not go away for Steve Harvey, oh no, not any time soon.

“OK, contestants, we surveyed 100 people with this question:  what book of the Bible would you like to see crowned Miss Universe? Oh shit! Really? This is still a thing?” 

While Steve Harvey was screwing up in front of millions of people on live television, the Carolina Panthers kept their winning streak alive and are now at 14-0. This should be cause for celebration but you know, as that wise philosopher Taylor Swift once said, “Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.” Apparently there have been some backlash against the Panthers for enjoying their victories during this unprecedented run of games. Dudes, I say let ‘em party as long as this ride lasts because you never know when the ride might end.

Speaking of rides ending, the campaign of Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was dead on arrival the day he announced he was running. But yesterday (Monday), Lindsey caught up to reality, deciding that this was not his time and he would no longer be a candidate for President. It didn’t help that Lindsey kept getting consigned to the kids’ table during the GOP debates and he had all the charisma of a unplugged table lamp. Meanwhile, Donald Trump is still out there, still riding on top of the polls with a continued message of hate and fear mongering. Nobody wants Trump but then Republican voters look at everyone else and go, “Oh my God! We are so well and truly fucked!” I do take heart that as Ted Cruz’s numbers have risen, more people have come to the realization that he is not a very likeable person. Just look at his face! I’ve noted before he always has this expression of wanting his mommy to bring him a pudding cup. It is a face you can’t help but want to punch. And while all politicians will bend the truth or exaggerate, Ted Cruz has this extremely bad habit of saying the most outlandish things, frequently proceeded by the words, “It’s a proven fact.”  And the numbskulls reaching out to Cruz as a “Not Trump” eat that up. If Ted Cruz says, as he did, most violent criminals are Democrats, then it must be true because he said it was a proven fact. He wouldn’t say it was a proven fact if we could go out there and prove it’s not a fact.

So that’s enough babbling from me today. Let’s see what fresh torment I can inflict upon you tomorrow. Until then, remember to be good to one another. 

Counting Down To Infinity