Friday, March 25, 2016

Hey, Kids! Mitch McConnell Says: Get Out of 1/8 of Your Work!

I have some readers who are teens in high school which is cool because I'm all about the young people, you dig? I'm a hip, happening cat like that. 

Whoa! 1970'S flashback! Wow, that was a wicked googily. 

OK, where was I? Oh, yeah! Young people! 

So young people, I know that sometimes there's stuff going on in the world that you quite frankly don't really get why its a big deal. For example, this whole business with the Supreme Court nominee. You might think, "What the hell does that have to do with me?" Well, if I may, let me impart some of my wisdom as an old person.  

1) To save time having to type "Supreme Court of the United States" over and over, reporters will abbreviate it as SCOTUS. And if you're giggling to yourself thinking, "Heh, heh! That looks like SCROTUM," then I have imparted my first wisdom of the day. 

The really funny thing is you'll hear TV reporters and pundits actually say "SCOTUS" like in an actual word. Turn on CNN for a fun drinking game. Take a swig everytime someone says SCOTUS. 

Oh, for you teenagers, the drink you are drinking is wholesome milk. Milk: it comes from a cow! 

But here comes the 2nd piece of wisdom that I want to impart to you that comes from this story about the SCOTUS (snicker!) nominee. 

2) The school year is not 180 days but 157.5! How cool is that? 

Now you might be thinking, "I want to believe that's true, funny old person with a blog, but how are you figuring that? And what does this have to do with SCOTUS? (Snort!) Hell, that is funny!"  

OK, to see how this works, follow along with this process. I must warn you: you might learn something. I'm sure some X-box or You Tube will scrub clean any learning you may accidentally pick up. 

1) Old dude on SCOTUS (Ha!) dies. 

2) It's the President's job to nominate someone to replace him. (It's right there in the Constitution.) 

So the President (That's Obama, he's still here) does just that. Dude by the name of Merrick Garland. Solid legal record, successfully prosecuted the Oklahoma City bomber, has been through Senate confirmations before for other judicial appointments. Garland's considered a pretty solid choice, not particularly liberal or conservative. 

3) It's the Senate's job to give this person a once-over and say, "Yeah you got the job" or "No, you're not what we're looking for at this time. Security will show you out." 

EXCEPT...

Republican Senate Majority Leader and Human Toadstool Mitch McConnell says, don't bother. "We're not going to consider or review or talk to or look in the general direction of anyone you might want to nominate."















So what crawled up McConnell's butt and died there? I'm not sure but it crawled up there and died in 2008 when Barack Obama was elected President. McConnell has been a constant thorn in the President's backside from day one. Mitch said (and this is TRUE!) that his #1 goal was to make sure Barack Obama was a one term President! Really! #1 goal! Not upholding the Constitution or serving the people or any of that shit. No, his #1 goal: fuck with Obama. 

And here's the thing: McConnell is still pursuing that #1 goal of a one term President Obama even as Obama cruises into his final year of this SECOND term. Mitch McConnell is certainly a tenacious bastard.  

And it is that final year of his Presidency that Mitch the Toadstool in looking to hang his latest obstruction. Mitch says that a President in the final year of his term in office shouldn't just shove in a SCOTUS (Hee! Hee!) appointee on his way out the door. 

Apparently, and this is news to me, a two term President only has authority to act as President for 7 out of 8 years. Now Obama gets to hang out in the White House and stuff but lets leave the actual work for the next President.  

This is not just some crazy theory from Mushroom Mitch. Virtually all the Republicans in the Senate agree with him. 

At this point, you might be asking, "But wait! What if the next President is Hillary Clinton? Or (shudder!) Donald Trump? Sounds like Obama's nominated a very stand up guy for the SCOTUS (Heh!) post. Heh, I said SCOTUS post! Anyway, what if Clinton nominates someone more liberal or Trump nominates a pineapple, what then?" 

The thing is this: the Republicans are playing a very, very dangerous game here and the odds are not in their favor. But if they can fuck with Obama one more time, it'll all be worth it. Hence the position that Obama shouldn't do shit in his last year of office.  

I know you young people look to us older people for guidance so look to the stalwart leaders of the US Senate as a role model. You're off the hook for 1/8 of your school year. Yeah, you still have to go but you don't have to do shit! In fact, your teachers don't want you to do shit! They're done with you and are ready to move on the next student coming in the fall. 

And when you get out in the real world and get a job at 40 hours a week, screw that 40 hour crap! Go on and take a nap for 5 hours! Really, 1/8 of your obligation to your employer doesn't count! 

And later, when you wind up in detention or the unemployment line, you'll have Mitch McConnell and the Republicans of the US Senate to thank. 

And me, your funny old person with a blog. Remember to be good to one another. Oh and one more thing: 

SCOTUS! 

(Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!) 

All Things Must Pass

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