Friday, March 18, 2016

This Campaign, This Damn Pain II: Electric Boogaloo


Hi there! Welcome to I’m So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that speaks of the Pompatus of Love. I’ve Dave-El but some people call me Maurice.


Time for me to play Political Catch Up as I cast a weary eye upon the dystopian political landscape left in the wake of this past Tuesday’s primaries.





To the surprise of no one, Marco Rubio was given his hat and coat and shown the door to the outside world known as Not Running For President Land. Hello, Marco. We’ve been waiting for you. Poor Marco, the little kid in the big kid suit, he tried to make us think he was the Chosen One of the Republican Party who would save us all from the hideous orange evil one, Lord Voldertrump. Rubio tried to be a Gryffindor guy when he was deep down a Hufflepuff named Willie Weaseldung. When Marco could not carry his own home state of Florida, the gig was up and Marco Rubio, Candidate for US President, ceased to be, disappearing in a puff of brimstone with just a hint of lavender and mint.


Meanwhile, John Kasich won his home state of Ohio and so he still thinks he’s a player, the last grown up in the room. I do owe Kasich an apology. I’ve made a few jokes at his expense in this blog for being such a non entity that even the people of Ohio had to Google him to remember he was their governor. Turns out (shocker!) I did not know what I was talking about. Seems people in Ohio do know who John Kasich is who is apparently well-liked there. In my defense, upper middle aged white guys running for the Republican Presidential nomination do tend to blur together after a while.  


Still, Donald Trump keeps on romping and stomping across America like some kind of Intolerable Hulk (“TRUMP SMASH!!!”), winning the angry hearts and shriveled minds of undereducated Republican white men everywhere. Yet, here’s a shock, I’ve seen stories where Donald’s appeal is apparently wider than the target demographic for Duck Dynasty. What this means is he’s reaching out to undereducated Democratic white men too. So yay, diversity!  And there is that core constituency that votes for Donald because they still think this is funny, ha, ha, ha, no, the fuck it isn’t! Cut it out! Joke’s over, man!


However, there are forces at work that are, and I can’t believe I’m going to say this, more dangerous than Donald Trump. No, I’m not referring to Ted Cruz (but I will get to the Lying Fuck Bastard momentarily) but all these anti-Trump efforts from the Republican party leadership. Now here’s the thing: like it or not, people are voting for Donald Trump. Enough people are voting for Donald Trump that’s he’s winning state primaries and caucuses. He’s winning the delegates necessary for securing the Republican nomination for President. The voters in these states have spoken and they have chosen Donald Trump.


OK, so Trump is a fucking idiot and the voters have shit for brains. Nonetheless, people picked Trump. So what does it say not just for the Republican Party but for American Democracy in general if the will of the people can be overturned by arcane political convention rules? But that is what’s developing here as GOP leadership looks towards a brokered convention in Cleveland this summer to settle who will get the Republican nomination for President.

And it doesn’t help matters than the 2nd biggest vote getter in the Republican race is Ted Cruz. Yes, Ted Cruz, the one man in the Republican Party that Republicans dislike even more than Donald Trump. Cruz has burned a lot of bridges with his own strict adherence to ultra right Tea Party conservative talking points.  He refers to fellow Republicans who he feels has betrayed “true conservativism” with the same rancor and disdain he usually reserves for President Obama. And his strict adherence to this line means he conceivably would appeal to an even more narrow cross section of American voters than Donald Trump

So instead of Trump or Cruz, will the GOP actually go with also-ran John Kasich? You didn’t vote for him once, America! Now you can not vote for him again!


 Or the GOP could actually nominate someone who didn’t run for President this year, say Mitt Romney or Paul Ryan?


Hey, there’s an idea! Just go with the Romney/Ryan ticket again. I’m sure there are tons of Romney/Ryan 2012 merchandise lying around. Just get an intern (unpaid or course) with a Sharpie and mark a “6” over the “2”. Save a LOT of money, eh? And it doesn’t matter who the Democratic nominee is going to be. The Republicans just want to run against Obama again anyway! Wow! I think this would be a fun idea!


Over on the Democratic side, Hillary Clinton ran the tables during Tuesday's primaries over Bernie Sanders and there’s really not much more to say about that. Sanders is still a factor with his “free stuff for everybody” appeal but Clinton’s path to the delegate total to secure the Democratic nomination looks very solid.  Once Sanders is settled, Hillary Clinton will have to face an even worse enemy, herself. She does have a bad habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. For example, Clinton recently praised recent deceased former first lady Nancy Reagan for her quiet activism for sufferers of HIV/AIDS. It must have been really, really quiet because no one alive in the 1980s remembers hearing anything about that. Anyway, Clinton was trying to say something nice about Nancy Reagan and she has since apologized for her statement. And here’s the really bad thing with stuff like that: it’s not something her completion on the right will use against her. No, stuff like that Nancy Reagan quote gets Hillary in hot water with the more liberal wing of her own party.  


So here we are. For the Democrats, it still looks like a coronation for Hillary Clinton while the Republicans are in chaos as they try to snatch their crown from the court jester.


And that’s all I’ve got for today. Another new post is coming up tomorrow. Until then, remember to be good to one another.   

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