Monday, September 26, 2016

Banana Attack! (Monday Post #3)

Huma Abedin entered the study of Hillary Clinton to find the former Secretary of State at her desk, hunched over books and stacks of papers, her glasses perched studiously on the edge of her nose. On the desk next to Clinton was a bottle of water. Unopened. 

Huma sighed. 

"Mrs. Clinton." 

Hillary looked up and smiled at Huma. It was a very warm, friendly and human looking smile. Huma sighed again. Why the hell couldn't Clinton smile like that in public?

"Ah, Huma! Good to see you. I was just going over these stats on trade agreements between the United States and the European Union and correlating them with data on our foreign aid to our allies in the war against terrorism and ooh boy, am I stoked!" 

Huma nodded. "Yes, ma'am."  

"There is some really good stuff here! Boy, I'm going to be on fire at the debate! Lester Holt can hit me with anything on foreign or economic policy! I'm ready!"

"What about Donald Trump?" Huma asked. 

"Trump? HA!" Clinton arose from behind her desk, her very bearing projecting confidence and poise. "What does that pumpkin headed moron understand about foreign or economic policy? I'll tell you: Nothing! The American people will finally see us on the same stage and they'll see that I have the skills and the knowledge to be the next President and that Donald Trump can't be trusted to bring snacks to a co-op board meeting! I have facts! I am prepared! I will crush Donald Trump!" 

"I see," Huma said quietly, her finger tips pressed together in contemplation.  Then she added, "What if Donald... attacks you... with a banana?"  

Clinton looked at Huma with shock and disbelief. Huma Abedin had been Hillary's assistant and confidante for many years. She relied on Huma's intelligent insight and her in depth wisdom for a long time. But what was this? 

"A banana?" Clinton asked incredulously.  

"Yes. What if Donald Trump attacks you with a banana?" For all the absurdity of her statement, Huma's demeanor was calm and professional. 

"Come on! A banana? Seriously?" 

Huma said nothing but nodded affirmatively. 

"First of all, Huma," Clinton said, her ire beginning to rise, "this is a debate to show who is the best person to be the President of the United States. That means someone who knows and understands foreign AND economic policy! That means someone who knows the facts and can get things done! Secondly, there is no way that Lester Holt is going to let the proceedings stoop to such a low level! This is an occasion of the utmost importance and cannot be trivialized by something as frivolous as attacking someone with a banana!" 

Hillary Clinton sat back down behind her desk and began scanning her books and documents. 

"Now if you don't mind, Huma, I need to bone up on these nuclear non-proliferation agreements as well as exploring tariff reform with our South Pacific trading partners." 

Huma rose from her chair. "Of course, Mrs. Clinton." And with that, Huma quietly exited the room as her boss resumed her studies. 

Hillary paused a moment and said to no one there, "Bananas? Bah!" Then she eyed the unopened bottle of water for a second, shook her head and resumed her studies.

The next day: 


Tomorrow: the aftermath of the Clinton - Trump throw down. 

Until then, remember to be good to one another.  

Hillary Clinton enjoys some time on the campaign trail
while Huma Abedin keeps an eye out for bananas.
Because you never know.

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