Monday, September 26, 2016

Hey, You Guys! Ted Cruz Is STILL a Lying Fuck Bastard (Monday Post #2)

Hey guys. I know as we slog through the muck and the mire of this Presidential election season, we're all scared... I mean, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really

<several hours later>

really scared that Donald Trump is going to be elected President.  The first debate between Trump and Hillary Clinton is scheduled for this evening and who knows what might happen.*

*Actually, I'll take a guess at that in today's third post, going live on the blog at 5:00 PM Eastern Time.

But I wanted to take a moment to turn my attention to an old... acquaintance here at I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You. This is an individual who preoccupied a lot of this blogger's time back during the primary season. Well, this person was back in the news this weekend and as such, this marks the return of a very special feature on this blog...

Yes, Ted Cruz crawled back out of whatever cesspool of self indulgent righteousness he was hiding in to prove that he continues to be... well, you know.

A lying fuck bastard.  

As we recounted here in the last appearance of TCIALFB,  I found myself in the awkward position of doing something I wasn't very comfortable doing: saying something almost nice about Ted Cruz. 

Now I've said a lot of bad things about Ted Cruz on this blog but part of me wants to give the man some credit: he damned sure didn't want to endorse Donald Trump and he damned sure didn't do it, even in the face of rising anger from the convention floor. 

In the waning days of the primary, some of Donald Trump's attacks on Ted Cruz extended to Ted's family, attacks which were not cool. After Ted Cruz's appearance at the Republican National Convention where he did NOT endorse Trump for President, Cruz made it known in no uncertain terms that he is not in the habit of endorsing people who malign his family. (Among other things, Donald mocked Ted's wife for lacking in hotness compared to Donald's own wife.)   

OK, apparently NOW Ted Cruz is OK with people who malign his family because this weekend, Ted endorsed Donald Trump.  

Remember Ted Cruz does NOTHING unless it benefits Ted Cruz. As I noted in that previous post, Ted's refusal to endorse Donald Trump served to establish Cruz "as the savior of the party after Trump wrecks it." It was a gamble on Cruz's part but it seemed like a fair bet. Coming out of a Republican National Convention that was lackluster at best and Trump facing down a serious beat down in the general election, Cruz distancing himself from Trump made sense. 

But polls in recent weeks have seen Trump tightening up the gap between himself and Hillary Clinton. Several scenarios for Trump to win in the Electoral College that seemed impossible before now seem rather possible.  

Yes, we are really, really, really, really, really, really, really

<several hours later>

really scared that Donald Trump is going to be elected President. 

And so too is Ted Cruz.  

If Donald Trump actually becomes President, Ted Cruz's political future is toast. Cruz becomes persona non grata in the Republican Party of a victorious Trump. Without pledging allegiance to the Donald, Cruz may have had to join the exodus to Canada along with the rest of us. Ted might even had to apply to restore his Canadian citizenship but Canada, sadly, wouldn't let that happen. 

Says Canada, "You're a lyin' fuck bastard, eh, doncha know." 

So Ted Cruz (to quote Weird Al Yankovic) looked at his wife and realized she's very plain. So maybe Donald's not THAT bad after all. And thus Ted Cruz endorsed Donald Trump. 

Donald Trump in response to Cruz's initial rebuke said he wouldn't accept Cruz's endorsement if Cruz did offer it. Which, by the way, Donald did in fact accept Cruz's endorsement when Cruz offered it. 

Remember, Hillary's the liar and Donald and Ted are the trustworthy ones, right? 

And here's another wrinkle to all of this. Despite Ted Cruz publicly endorsing Donald Trump only this weekend, Senator Cruz has been in business with the Trump campaign for months, even before Cruz's grand act of defiance at the GOP convention. Trump's campaign has sent emails to all or part of Cruz's vast email data base of supporters. Cruz has been renting that access to the Trump campaign to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars a pop. 

So for all the public hand wringing over prayerful consideration and following his conscience, Ted Cruz has been in partnership with Donald Trump the whole time. 

For more on this story, click here.  

What the hell, Ted! You've done what I would've thought impossible: you've reached new lows in lying fuck bastardness! 

So congratulations, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX). You still hold a special place with this blog. Now and forevermore... 


Wow! TWO posts in ONE day?!?! Could this Monday get any better?!?!

How about THREE posts in one day?!?! Oh hell yeah! 

Tonight is the first debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Is Hillary ready? It depends....

Is she ready if Donald attacks her with.... a BANANA?!?!

A new post is coming up at 5:00 PM Eastern Time right here on I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You. I'm Dave-El reminding you to be good to one another. 

Is Dave-El Stressed?

A day after Dave-El's birthday, another year older and closer to death, am I feeling stressed? YES! Yes, I am a bit stressed!!!