‘Before you judge, I was fighting Mister Freeze’
-----Seth Meyers
There are a lot things I've posted about on this blog. Doctor Who, politics, movies, Star Trek, things that annoy me and what not. I also on occasion post about comic books.
What I've never posted about before today is on the topic of...
Bat Penis!
I didn't really want to post about it now but it does seem to be kind of a story on the internet and since it's comic book related, I thought I needed to see what the fuss might be about.
First I should do some research.
Google "bat penis".
Warning: Do not google "bat penis".
Our quest today begins with the release of a new book from DC Comics under it's "Black Label" imprint, Batman: Damned #1 by writer Brian Azzarello and artist Lee Bermejo.
Hey, let's look at a few pages.
Lee Bermejo delivers some really lush looking art for this book while Brian Azzarello tells the tale of Batman teaming up with John Constantine working a supernatural mystery that involves what appears to be the murder of the Joker that goes right to the heart and soul of Bruce Wayne, and the potential death of The Joker.
What does any of that have to do with... Bat Penis?
Well, I will show you.
Children, be sure any parents in the room avert their eyes.
Yep, as I live and breath, that's Batman's penis.
Also.....
Batman's butt.
It seems quaint there was a time when the most provocative Batman could do was not wearing a shirt....
...and Neal Adams adding chest hair.
Batman: Damned #1 has a lot going on that certainly sets itself apart from other Batman books. Apparently we find out Thomas Wayne was cheating on his wife Martha with another woman. And that other woman was... Martha Kent. Whoa! I didn't see that coming. OK, I made up that last part but Brian Azzarello does indeed having a sequence showing Bruce Wayne's dad macking on some floozy who ain't Bruce Wayne's mom.
Also there is a scene involving a brutally murdered character impaled on a cross inside of a church which I'm sure will upset oppressed white Christian America and maybe earn Batman: Damned #1 some free publicity in some Fox News outrage.
And if that's not enough to get Batman: Damned #1 some attention, well, there's always....
Bat Penis!
Now, with sincere apologies to composer Neal Hefti....
Cue up the theme song, guys!
(Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na)
Bat Penis!
(Na na na na na na na na na na na na)
Bat Penis!
(Na na na na na na na na na na na na)
Bat Penis!
(Na na na na na na na na na na na na)
Bat Penis!
(Na na na na na na na na na na na na)
Bat Penis! Bat Penis! Bat Penis!
(Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na)
Bat Penis! Bat Penis! Bat Penis!
Da da da da da da da da da da da da da!
Bat Penis!
And now I turn the rest of this post over to noted feminist, author and comic book writer Chelsea Cain who comments on news from DC that the digital version of the book and any subsequent reprints will not include Bat Penis!
It was a really great issue. I was excited for a minute that comics might be taking a risk. Also, did people really freak out about this? We are so so weird.
— Chelsea Cain (@ChelseaCain) September 21, 2018
It’s a penis just hanging out. God bless it.
--- Chelsea Cain (@ChelseaCain) September 21, 2018
Wait. WHAT? That’s the last straw, comics. CAN YOU GIVE ME NOTHING?
— Chelsea Cain (@ChelseaCain) September 21, 2018
And now they’re taking away the cock. You owe me, comics. You owe me this one special thing.
— Chelsea Cain (@ChelseaCain) September 21, 2018
Thanks, Chelsea!
And that is the end of this post. No more Bat Penis.
...
...
...
OK, one more.
Now we're done.
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