Hello and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, a blog that is the epitome of German (chocolate cake) engineering.
I am Dave-El and recently my daughter has come up with yet ANOTHER way to drive me insane.
If you are the parent of a teenage or nearly teenage girl, it does seem that a great deal of their brain power (whatever is left after clothes, boys, music, boys, online games, girl talk, boys and boys) is dedicated to the task, How to Drive My Mom and/or Dad Insane.
Well, my daughter has come up with a doozy and I think it just might be working. It's a game she calls "Punch Buggy".
It goes like this: every time you see a Volkswagen Beetle, you punch someone in the arm and say "Punch buggy (the color of the car)! No punch back!" And that person can't punch you back until they spot their own Volkswagen Beetle.
I hate this game.
I am at a distinct disadvantage. I'm driving. I'm trying to be a safe and contentious driver because I'm carrying someone very precious, my daughter. (OK, while everyone goes, "Ahhh! That's sweet", my daughter continues to plot my descent into madness. Remember that!) So I'm having to watch for all the things that a driver has to watch out for: the road, other cars, pedestrians, bicyclists, pets, street signs, traffic signals. There's a lot going on.
Meanwhile, my daughter sits over in the passenger seat, her eyes probing all around her, looking at streets, driveways, parking lots, wherever cars can be found, looking for Volkswagen Beetles. She can dedicate 100% of her time and attention to her quest and respond within split-seconds when her quarry has been spotted.
"Punch buggy yellow! No punch back!"
Blast it! Meanwhile, looking for Volkswagen Beetles is just one of a hundred things I'm processing as I drive. Even if I see a Beetle before she does, it's only by a second or two and she can spring into action immediately.
"Punch buggy green! No punch back!"
Dammit!
Sometimes I think (foolishly) that she's not playing the game. We're talking about this or that and everything seems normal. A father driving his daughter to school or dance class or...
"Punch buggy red! No punch back!"
Arrrrggh! She got me AGAIN!
I did catch her once. It was a long stretch of road, no other traffic, no stop signs or traffic lights so I allowed myself the luxury of casting an occasional gaze to the sides of the road. And then I saw it, the parking lot of a business we were passing.
"Punch buggy black! No punch back!"
My daughter smiled and said, "Good catch, daddy. I missed that one."
So it may be the only time I'll win at Punch Buggy but at least I got a least one. I think. Did she let me have that one? Nah, I'm just being para-
"Punch buggy silver! No punch back!"
I don't think I can take much more of this.
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Dave-El can also be found on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo where he can safely interact with people and not have to worry about-
"Punch buggy orange! No punch back!"
NOW CUT THAT OUT!!!!
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