Monday, August 19, 2013

Things Guys Dont Say

    Hi there!

    Dave-El here and welcome to my blog. My blog's name is I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You and it wishes you wouldn't question my blog's life choices.
    Hope your Monday went as well as a Monday can go. It's amazing to me how simply saying "Monday" communicates so much.
    Me: Hey, Bob.*
    Bob: What's up, Dave?
    Me: Monday.
    Bob: Yep.
    Me: How're you doing?
    Bob: Monday, man.
    Me: True that.
    Bob: Uh-huh.
    Me: Later, Bob.
    Bob: Later, Dave.
    *Oddly enough, I don't know one single person at my company named Bob.
    I've learned its best to keep these kind of exchanges short and unspecific. Nobody is truly interested in "What's up?" or "How're you doing?". We're just passing the interminable seconds that we have to spend in the company of people we don't know. Or don't like. Or Bob.
    I've tried to make these exchanges more interesting but with questionable results.
    Me: Hi, Sally.**
    Sally: Hey, Dave. How are you doing today?
    Me: Well, the bad news is the voices in my head are telling me to kill you all.
    Sally: Huh? Wha..?
    Me: The good news, though, is the voices in my heads are speaking in a comical Swedish accent that I just can't take seriously so you're probably OK.
    Sally: Right.... (slowly inching away)
    Me: Unless you're Swedish.

    Sally: Uh, I gotta go.
    **Sally is real except her name isn't Sally. Actually, now that I think of it, there's no one at my company named Sally. Weird. Anyway, as for "Sally", I don't try to talk to her anymore ever since HR said to not talk to her anymore.
    So, yeah, there are certain things I shouldn't say.
    And speaking of which (in what has got to be the lamest sequeway EVER), here something things that guys DON'T say.  It was a topic trending on Twitter this past Saturday so I thought I would jump with some of my own. Here are my Twitter posts on the subject of Things Guy Don't Say.
    "Do these pants make me look fat?"
    "Yelling at the TV isn't going to make the refs change their minds about that call."
    "Yes, I am ready to go shoe shopping."
    "Honey, is it OK if I attend your book club meeting tonight?" #ThingsGuysDontSay
    "My needs are, in fact, unimportant."
    "I don't think duct tape will be of any help here at all."
    "I wonder what's on the Lifetime Movie Network right now?"
    "I don't know how to do that."
    "Look at that young woman in the short skirt. Doesn't she get cold wearing that? She should put on some pants."
    "Honey, you know what our bed needs? A new bed ruffle."

    A tip of the ol' hat*** to the following:

    Bill Pearce who can be found on Twitter here and on Blogger here! He favorite the "shoe shopping" line. Thanks, Bill!

    Jenna Saylor who can be found on Twitter here who commented on the "yelling at the TV" bit, "Ugh. I hate when girls say that... Even though I am also a girl..." Appreciate the comment, Jenna!

    Macarena on Twitter at who re-tweeted the "pants make me look fat" gag.

    ***No, I'm not wearing a hat. No Bob, no Sally, no hat. My life is one big fat lie!
     And don't forget I can also be found on Twitter at

    Thanks for dropping by. Let's do this again sometime.****

    ****I'll be here tomorrow. Sadly, I have nowhere else to go. But that's one of those things you're not really interested in, are you? Sorry I brought it up.

    Be good to one another.

    I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You

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