Friday, September 20, 2013

Broken News As of Friday, September 20, 2013


Hello! Welcome to my blog, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, guest starring Rex Hamilton as Abraham Lincoln.

Dave-El here on a Friday with a new edition of bROKEN nEWs!

A bit later than usual.

I was actually out. Yes, I know it seems so improbable (unlikely, even!) that I would be engaged in some kind of social activity on a Friday night. But my employer is sponsoring a music series and so I had (FREE!) tickets to see a violinist by the name of John McLaughlin Williams who put on a remarkable performance. I don't think I ever heard of any of the composers listed in the program but William's amazing gift with a violin makes me want to learn more about them. And I hope I get to hear more from John McLaughlin Williams. Maybe next time, I might even spend MY money on the tickets.

But I shall not disappoint you (except, of course, when I do) so we're ready to rock AND roll baby with some new...


In 5...





#BrokenNews “Ted Cruz Infuriates House GOP” He’s keeps coming over from the Senate taking Dr. Peppers out of the House break room fridge! (Dammit, Ted! Not cool!)

#BrokenNews “Senate Republicans Unimpressed By House GOP Plan To Defund Obamacare” A plan that does NOT involve mutated sharks with lasers strapped to their frickin’ heads? Is that too much to ask?
I worry about humanity in our failure to equip sharks with lasers.
Really, why even bother to get up in the morning.

#BrokenNews “Iranian President Makes Vow On Nuclear Weapons” To only use them for a very good reason such as Israel looks at them funny, serious stuff like that.

#BrokenNews “Creationist Says 'Science Guy' Doesn't Understand Science” Bill Nye breaks down in tears: “It’s true! Science baffles me! I’ve been living a lie!”

#BrokenNews “Debt Limit Showdown Could Be Catastrophic For Economy” Is it just me or is Washington’s political strategy based on the Battleship game?

#BrokenNews “Dick Cheney To Take Part In Hunting Competition” He’s a cinch for the Face Shooting Contest!

#BrokenNews “McCain Tells Russians They Deserve Better Than Putin” Adding, “Yo, girl! You lookin’ fine, Russia! Drop that loser & come hang wit' me!”

#BrokenNews “One Lucky Person In South Carolina Just Won Nearly $400 Million” Wow! That’ll buy a lot of mobile homes!

#BrokenNews “Honolulu Molasses Spill Keeps Getting Worse” It is…a sticky situation! (What? That joke’s already been done? How many times? THAT many?)

You know, this might be a good time to take a break for......bROkEN nEWs IN pICtUReS


OK, it's back to the headlines! 
#BrokenNews “So Public Masturbation May Be Legal In Sweden Now” Sweden got the idea after watching American politics on C-Span.

#BrokenNews “Gwyneth Paltrow Talks Sex Addiction” People act weird when I try to talk about sex addiction. Maybe if I put some pants on first…?

#BrokenNews “Has Liam Hemsworth Moved On From Miley Already?” Well, the rest of have so why not?

#BrokenNews “Zac Efron Was Reportedly In Rehab Earlier This Year” Where he would break out into a song & dance routine before being tranquilized.

#BrokenNews Buffett: Big showdown over debt ceiling would be 'pretty damn dumb'Isn’t ‘pretty damn dumb’ requirement #1 for current GOP strategy?

#BrokenNews Hillary 'Could Be Our First Lesbian President'” Bill Clinton wants to know is it okay NOW to go back to screwing whores.

#BrokenNews “Baboon Ambushes Woman, Steals Her Veggies” Well, have you seen the prices for fresh vegetables lately? Baboons can’t afford that!

"Have you seen the price on romaine lettuce? Have you SEEN it? And do NOT get me started on the price of bananas!"
That's it for this Friday's edition of bROKEN nEWs!
So I should get writing that, huh?
Later, boys and girls!
And be good to one another!


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