Broken News for Friday, September 13th, 2013

 

Hi there!
 
Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that is Vladmir Putin's favorite thing about America!
 
OK, after the 200th post spectacular, I've been kind of scarce around here while I've been involved in some higher education associated with my work. But I'm here with the regular weekly edition of bROKEN nEWs because I care! I've made a commitment to informing the world every Friday of every newsworthy headline that I can think of a joke about and I'm determined to do that, no matter how much suffering you experience while reading this! I CARE!
 
Tomorrow is part 8 of Doctor Who and the Nemesis Who Stole Time so be here for Doctor Who Saturday.
 
Enough babbling! Let's get on with the headlines after a brief word from our sponsor.
 
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And now...
 
bROkEN nEWs begins in 5...
 
4...
 
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#BrokenNews “Zimmerman Detained After Gun Incident” George needs a new angle. Maybe a “kung-fu incident” would be a nice change of pace?

#BrokenNews “Stephanopoulos Delivers A Grim Warning To Obama” Which was, “Do NOT launch an attack on Syria before the season premiere of Modern Family!”

#BrokenNews “Hillary Weighs In On Syria” Saying, “Barack better have this fixed before I’m annoited..er, elected President.”

#BrokenNews “'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' Coming To An End?” Just when the economy was starting to improve for talentless whores!

#BrokenNews “Dennis Rodman Makes Big Kim Jong-Un Reveal” Kim is going to be grafted to Rodman’s shoulders & play for the Nicks!

#BrokenNews “Weiner Admits He Probably Misled Public On Affairs” Considering what we do know, I wish we had been misled more.

#BrokenNews “Patrick Stewart Ties The Knot” 41 year old Wil Weaton looks forward to the day when he's 73 years old and be old enough to marry a 35 year old woman.

 #BrokenNews “Pay Gap Between 1 Percent, Everybody Else Gets Worse” Otherwise known as the gap between fuckers and the fucked. 

#BrokenNews “Justice Department Releasing Details On Secret Surveillance Court” But information on the Cone of Silence is still classified.

#BrokenNews “5 Years After Financial Crisis, Wall Street Kingpins Are Living Large” They’re upgrading their toilets from gold to platinum. 

#BrokenNews “Michelle Obama Opposes War With Syria” Next we’ll find out she voted for Romney! 

Hey! Let's take a look-see at....

bROkEN nEWs in pICtURES!

 

OK, back to headlines!

 

 

 

 #BrokenNews “Why Russia is backing blood-soaked Assad regime” Russia has blood sponges it needs to unload.
 

#BrokenNews “George Zimmerman Smashed iPad That Recorded Confrontation, Wife Claims” Smashed it? That's odd! He usually just shoots these things.

#BrokenNews “Prince William quits military to focus on charity work” Meanwhile, William Prince of Newark NJ quits panhandling to focus on loud indiscriminate screaming.

#BrokenNews “Voyager 1 has left our solar system at last” With its left turn blinker still on.
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That's it for this Friday's edition of bROKEN nEWs brought to you by Party Putins, the party treats made from tasty beets.

When you're puttin' a Putin in your mouth, now THAT's a party! Party Putins, available at Audi Food Markets!


Tomorrow: More Doctor Who stuff!

Until then, be good to on another.

Take us out, Voyager 1!