Broken News for Friday, September 27, 2013

Hello!

I'm Dave-El and welcome to...
 I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You!

Today is Friday which means a new installment of bROkEN nEWs!

This installment is being brought to you by Ted Cruz Fertilizer! The best fertilizer you can buy!

And what is Ted's secret to great fertilizer?

PREMIUM BULLSHIT!

And there's never been a better time to buy! The BIG Cruz-a-Thon sales event is going on RIGHT NOW!

Let's watch!

 

So come on day and get some Ted Cruz Fertilizer today!

We'll check in more with the Cruz-a-Thon later.

 

But now....bROkEN nEWs!

In 5...

4....

3...

2...

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#BrokenNews “Agreement Reached On UN's Syria Resolution” Which reads, “Nobody say nothing, nobody do nothing, capiche?"

 

#BrokenNews “Senate Confirms First Openly Gay Circuit Court Judge” Court will be in session and FABULOUS!

 

#BrokenNews “Brazil's President Goes After U.S. Spying At U.N.” She says we’re not spying on Brazil enough and it hurts their self-esteem.


 

#BrokenNews “Gun Lobbyist Kills Elephant In NRA-Sponsored TV Show” The elephant was wearing a hoodie and “acting suspicious”.

#BrokenNews “Gun Control Advocates: We Haven't Given Up” Just like Wiley Coyote didn’t give up trying to catch Road Runner, right? 

 

 

We have MORE bROkEN nEWs! in just a moment but first, let's check in on the Ted Cruz Fertilizer Cruz-a-Thon!

 

Remember, better bullshit makes better fertilizer and there's NO fertilizer like...

Ted Cruz Fertilizer!

 

 

Now back to bROkEN nEWs!

#BrokenNews “Dad accused of leaving child outside strip club”   What? He should take the kid inside? Have you seen the kind of people in those places?

#BrokenNews “Large bear gets stuck in Florida tree” Bear is really worried George Zimmerman might come along any minute!

#BrokenNews “The Biggest Mistakes You're Making At The Grocery Store” Having sex in the breakfast cereal aisle is definitely one of them…so I’ve heard.

And now it's time for....

 

 

Before we get back headlines....

How are things going with the Cruz-a-Thon at Ted Cruz Fertilizer? Well, let's see!





And now....back to the headlines!


#BrokenNews “Peyton Manning Keeps Making History” It’ll come crashing down when we find out Peyton’s really a Terminator robot. 

#BrokenNews “Hillary Clinton's 2 Huge Vulnerabilities Exposed” Her hook shot and her perimeter defense. (But her 3 pointers are solid so watch out!)

#BrokenNews “'Dexter' Infuriates Fans With Finale Disaster” Dexter gets to skip, jump, press wild flowers, put on women’s clothing, hang around in bars… 

 

#BrokenNews “Miley Cyrus Gets Nude For Rolling Stone” Rolling Stone asks Miley to put her clothes back on.


 

#BrokenNews “Emmys 2013: Biggest

audience since 2005"” Next year’s Emmys will

be 3+ hours of NOTHING BUT DEAD

PEOPLE!



And that's this week's bROkEN nEWs!



Thanks to our sponsor, Ted Cruz Fertilizer,

the fertilizer superior to all other brands

thanks to PREMIUM BULLSHIT!  And

speaking of which, let's take one last look at

the big Cruz-a-Thon sales event!






Way to go, Ted! Remember, the best fertilizer

comes from the best bullshit and no one has

PREMIUM BULLSHIT like...

 

Ted Cruz Fertilizer!

Thanks for dropping by.



See you tomorrow for Doctor Who Saturday!



Be good to one another.



Takes us out, Baby Cthulhu!