Dave-El here and welcome to another edition of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You. If you're enjoyment of this blog last 4 hours or longer, call a doctor.
You know what I haven't posted about lately? Sex!
I used to think I didn't want to use sex as some kind of salacious lure to get people to come to my blog. I felt the quality of my posts should be sufficient.
Then went over my posts and considered the actual quality of my posts.
So sex is OK.
A few times I've done posts under the heading Tales of the Strange and the Perverse which...you know, I'm not sure I can describe so just go look for yourself.
The woman who REALLY LOVES her garbage disposal.
The woman dressed as an M&M. (No peanut. I checked.)
Katy Perry getting freaky with the Simpsons.
The ladies of vicTORIorious dressed as cheese.
I wish I had something like that today.
Instead I am posting some Tweets that were made a few weeks ago under the trending topic
As an added bonus, I'm going to figure out what the hell I was thinking when I wrote these.
Or prattle on mindlessly.
Yeah, that won't be hard.
(That's what SHE said!)
"How to Train Your Dragon" #mysexlifeinmovietitles
I guess this is along the lines of bravado, that I'm comparing the size of Mr. Happy to a dragon. Or Mr. Happy is burning and scaly.
Yes, I can him Mr. Happy. He's also been called Wrong Way Willie but I really don't want to go there.
(That's what SHE said!)
OK, the word "cock" is in there so using this title was an easy one. But ultimately kind of weird. What exactly is my relationship to the subject? Since "Hancock" suggests "hand cock", we probably should just move on. Oh another note, have you ever wondered about people with the word "cock" in their name? "Peacock" is especially egregious when it makes you think of urination and an erect penis at the same time.
"Sister Act" OK, that's just plain WRONG! That never happened. #mysexlifeinmovietitles Again.
Everybody loves incest jokes, right? But seriously, how many people have gotten busy with at least a cousin? (You can't see it by I'm raising my hand.) She was cute, we were alone in a barn and she wasn't fleeing from me in terror. Also, she was like several times removed as a cousin. She may have in fact been a cousin by being related to one of my brother's ex-wives. No, we did not have sex but I did get to first base on a walk, then got tagged out trying to steal second.
"Indecent Proposal" #mysexlifeinmovietitles
"The Pelican Brief" #mysexlifeinmovietitles
"Seed of Chucky" #mysexlifeinmovietitles
"Mission: Impossible" #mysexlifeinmovietitles
"As Good As It Gets" Really? OK, "Liar Liar" (Dammit!) #mysexlifeinmovietitles
"Dr. Dolittle" #mysexlifeinmovietitles
Guys, if you're getting a bit too excited, I find thinking of either Rex Harrison or Eddie Murphy is very effective at applying the brakes.
"Deep Impact" Whoops! Sorry, wrong film "Armageddon" #mysexlifeinmovietitles
"Stuart Little" #mysexlifeinmovietitles
It's not little! OK, it's not THAT little! OK, OK, it's sort of little...ish.
Actually this is a TRUE story! (Swear to God, I am NOT making this up! Seriously!) I was in bed with this girl I was dating and we had sex for the first time and she said to me (REALLY! I AM NOT LYING!!), "I see they raise horses in your family!"
That is the best damn thing ANYONE has ever said to me in MY LIFE!
"Gone With the Wind" #mysexlifeinmovietitles
OK, let's go out with a joke. It's an oldie but a goodie.