Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that puts the "buster" in your "fili"!
I'm Dave-El and this is Friday and we are down to just ONE DAY away from the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special. The excitement is building here at the ol' El Fortress of Ineptitude! My belly button's been puckering and unpuckering all day!*
*I stole that line from Hawkeye in a episode of M*A*S*H.
Anyway, thanks to David Tennant and Matt Smith for ushering in today's edition of...
#BrokenNews “Boehner: Immigration Reform 'Absolutely Not' Dead” It’s just shagged out after a long squawk! Dead? No, it’s just pining for fjords!
#BrokenNews “We Didn't 'Shorten Early Voting'...We 'Compacted The Calendar'” NC Gov. Pat McCrory tried something similar the first time he had sex with a woman: “My penis is not short; your vagina is compact.”
And the headlines roll on!
#BrokenNews "Scott Walker: GOP Fails To Reach Out To Poor" GOP sets up committee to find who are these "poor" people Scott's talking about.
3. Sperm can glow in the dark but they just
don’t like to.
|ROB FORD |
The INDEFENSIBLE MAYOR!
Join us next time when Rob Ford proclaims, "I do my best damn mayoring when I'm in a drunken stupor!"
Back to the headlines!
Yeah, and that wallaby over on the park bench looks kind of shifty, too!
#BrokenNews “Jimmie Johnson wins sixth career NASCAR Sprint Cup title” In a cost saving measure, NASCAR is only airing re-runs of previous seasons.
Wait, that would be…wrong, I think?
Maybe this would be a good place to put in some...
#BrokenNews “Vancouver Bans Doorknobs” Because, well, you know, Canadians.
The following rant is going to go on WAY too long. You might want to just scroll down to the next picture of Debbie Gibson in a leotard. (Hell, that's what I'm gonna do!)
As someone who actually has attended a Justin Bieber concert, let me say this:
Well, as long as my little girl, the future “Mrs. Bieber”, was happy. I guess that's all that matters. And she was happy, joyously so!
Two months later and she’s filing divorce papers from her future hubby. She has her limits when it comes to putting up with someone's weird, self destructive behavior, even from her precious Justin.
Oh, she was committed to this Bieber train big time for so long. So, Justin, for a sign on how fucked up you’re making your life, consider her and others like her. They loved you in their own warped pre-pubescent way and now you’re a punchline that makes them giggle.
It’s not because they outgrew you; it’s you who have drifted from them. At this rate, you’re turning potential lifelong fans to future grown up women who are going to look back on this with bemused embarrassment.
And I’m still out nearly $200.00!
OK, I need to calm down and feel better about life.
All right, let's do a couple more headlines to wrap this thing up!
Whew! I am spent! What? You want more? Baby, please! Tomorrow's Doctor Who Saturday! I gotta have my rest.
Be good to one another!
THE DAY OF THE DOCTOR...