Broken News on a Break (Friday, November 29th, 2013)

 

Hi there! Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the internet's #1 source (yawn!) of tryptophan.


Today is Friday when we present the wacky weekly news round up I call bROkEN nEWs! But today, I'm taking a post-Thanksgiving break.


So if you don't mind, I'm posting some select headlines from previous editions of bROkEN nEWs!


So crank up the ol' Way Back Machine to those sun-kissed days of June and July of 2013.

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June 7, 2013

#BrokenNews “Obama To GOP: I DARE You To Block Judges” Things get out of hand when Obama double dog dares John Boehner to stick his tongue to Paul Ryan.  


#BrokenNews “Kim Kardashian reveals sex of baby on show” Revealing the sex that made the baby will be posted online later.   



#BrokenNews “Al Gore: NSA Phone Records Collecting 'Obscenely Outrageous'” Al didn’t invent the telephone for this kind of shit to go on!

#BrokenNews “Obama defends surveillance programs: ‘Nobody is listening to your telephone calls'” Adding, “Most of you don’t have lives that are all that interesting.”

#BrokenNews “Russia's Putin and his wife say their marriage is over” Mrs. Putin said the split is “amicable” from her prison in Siberia.  
  




June 14, 2013

#BrokenNews “NSA Revelations Only 'The Tip Of The Iceberg'” NSA also spying on polar bears.




#BrokenNews “Protesters Arrested Outside Boehner's Office” If that didn’t work, Boehner has his office ringed with cauldrons of boiling oil.


#BrokenNews  “House Votes To Keep Gitmo Open” Business has been booming with Gitmo’s “Book 6 Nights, Stay 10 Years Free” Special


#Broken News “Keith Richards: Drug 'experiment' had to end” You know, before it left him wrinkly, worn out & incoherent.



 
June 21, 2013
 #BrokenNews “House GOP Pushes 'Cruel And Divisive' Food Stamp Measure” No, using Hunger Games to earn food stamps is a great idea!


#BrokenNews “Unbelievable Number Of Shootings By FBI Agents Deemed Justified” "The FBI is doing a fine job!" says the FBI.


#BrokenNews “Boehner: House to 'work its will' on immigration” Then he raised his cape to his eyes & vanished into the night! Blah!


July 5, 2013

#BrokenNews “Obama's armored limo to have blood bank, night vision” One step closer to Obama’s dream goal: his own Batmobile!

#BrokenNews “Paula Deen Offered 6 Figure Pay Day By Porn Company” If you have a fetish for buttered wrinkled racists, this is your lucky day!



#Broken News“Rose McGowan Stuns In Little Black Dress” Her dress is made from living electric eels.


July 12, 2013

#Broken News “Fugitive Captured After Taunting Police On Twitter” #UCantCatchME #UCantCatchME #UCantCatchME #UCant—hold on, someone’s at the door


#Broken News “Devastating Train Explosion Blamed On Engineer Failing To Set Brakes Properly” Possibly also a cause: carrying stuff that explodes.


July 19, 2013



#Broken News “Spitzer Misses Deadline To File Ethics Report” Easily fixed…if you know the right person to bribe.

#Broken News “Doctor Diagnoses Woman With 'Ghetto Booty'” The doctor had an attack of “honky brain”.

#Broken News “Obama's New Health Care Offensive” Multi-vitamins shot from drones


July 29, 2013

 #Broken News “Congress Disapproval Hits All-Time High” So Congress’ “Operation: Do Stupid Shit” is a success!


#Broken News “What 60 Percent Of British Women Do During Sex” I going to guess “butter their scones”? (Well, it SOUNDS naughty!)  


#Broken News “'The Longer You're In A Relationship, The Less Sex You'll Have'” Let’s see, take how long I’ve not had sex and carry the one and..I’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 342 YEARS!

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All right, before we wrap this up, there is one very random bit of new business to address.

It starts with this headline:

Alec Baldwin not returning to MSNBC

Which lead me to look up this old bit from a bROkEN nEWs IN pICtUREs segment and provide a bit of an update.





















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Tomorrow is DOCTOR WHO SATURDAY as the blog, still a little groggy from the Thanksgiving turkey tryptophan, takes a look at things I'm grateful for...about Doctor Who.

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Hey, before we go, let's take one last look at the bROkEN nEWs puppy!

Shhh! He's still sleeping.*



*As are most of the readers.