Broken News on a Break (Friday, November 29th, 2013)
Hi there! Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the internet's #1 source (yawn!) of tryptophan.
Today is Friday when we present the wacky weekly news round up I call bROkEN nEWs! But today, I'm taking a post-Thanksgiving break.
So if you don't mind, I'm posting some select headlines from previous editions of bROkEN nEWs!
So crank up the ol' Way Back Machine to those sun-kissed days of June and July of 2013.
June 7, 2013
#BrokenNews “Obama To GOP: I DARE You To Block Judges” Things get out of hand when Obama double dog dares John Boehner to stick his tongue to Paul Ryan.
#BrokenNews “Kim Kardashian reveals sex of baby on show” Revealing the sex that made the baby will be posted online later.
#BrokenNews “Al Gore: NSA Phone Records Collecting 'Obscenely Outrageous'” Al didn’t invent the telephone for this kind of shit to go on!
#BrokenNews “Obama defends surveillance programs: ‘Nobody is listening to your telephone calls'” Adding, “Most of you don’t have lives that are all that interesting.”
#BrokenNews “Russia's Putin and his wife say their marriage is over” Mrs. Putin said the split is “amicable” from her prison in Siberia.
June 14, 2013
#BrokenNews “NSA Revelations Only 'The Tip Of The Iceberg'” NSA also spying on polar bears.
#BrokenNews “Protesters Arrested Outside Boehner's Office” If that didn’t work, Boehner has his office ringed with cauldrons of boiling oil.
#BrokenNews “House Votes To Keep Gitmo Open” Business has been booming with Gitmo’s “Book 6 Nights, Stay 10 Years Free” Special
#Broken News “Keith Richards: Drug 'experiment' had to end” You know, before it left him wrinkly, worn out & incoherent.
June 21, 2013
July 5, 2013
#Broken News“Rose McGowan Stuns In Little Black Dress” Her dress is made from living electric eels.
July 12, 2013
#Broken News “Fugitive Captured After Taunting Police On Twitter” #UCantCatchME #UCantCatchME #UCantCatchME #UCant—hold on, someone’s at the door
#Broken News “Devastating Train Explosion Blamed On Engineer Failing To Set Brakes Properly” Possibly also a cause: carrying stuff that explodes.
July 19, 2013
#Broken News “Spitzer Misses Deadline To File Ethics Report” Easily fixed…if you know the right person to bribe.
#Broken News “Doctor Diagnoses Woman With 'Ghetto Booty'” The doctor had an attack of “honky brain”.
#Broken News “Obama's New Health Care Offensive” Multi-vitamins shot from drones
July 29, 2013
#Broken News “Congress Disapproval Hits All-Time High” So Congress’ “Operation: Do Stupid Shit” is a success!
#Broken News “What 60 Percent Of British Women Do During Sex” I going to guess “butter their scones”? (Well, it SOUNDS naughty!)
#Broken News “'The Longer You're In A Relationship, The Less Sex You'll Have'” Let’s see, take how long I’ve not had sex and carry the one and..I’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 342 YEARS!
All right, before we wrap this up, there is one very random bit of new business to address.
It starts with this headline:
Alec Baldwin not returning to MSNBC
Which lead me to look up this old bit from a bROkEN nEWs IN pICtUREs segment and provide a bit of an update.
Tomorrow is DOCTOR WHO SATURDAY as the blog, still a little groggy from the Thanksgiving turkey tryptophan, takes a look at things I'm grateful for...about Doctor Who.
Hey, before we go, let's take one last look at the bROkEN nEWs puppy!
Shhh! He's still sleeping.*
*As are most of the readers.