*The MOST amusing blog post featuring humorous commentary on the week's news from a guy named David with the words "Broken" and "News" in the title is "The News Is Broken" by David Untengaart of Sweden. He basically posts the same headline and jokes but in Swedish which for some damn reason makes it funnier. Well, fan ta dig, David Untergaart!
You act like a racist.
Now you can smell like a racist.
Now available at Home Depot.
Ready for some hot buttered headlines?
Get 'em while they're hot!
Get 'em while they're buttered!
**One moment please, bROkEN nEWs must issue a correction: Texas says, “YEE-HAA! Challenge accepted!”
bROkEN nEWs apologizes for the error and any inconvenience you may have experienced.
am proud to present the very first...
bROkEN nEWs eXpOSe!
Today we go behind the scenes and discover the heretofore unrevealed truth behind the Obama Administration's role in developing the Affordable Care Act.
Sadly, I beginning to think that's how it really went down.
Now....back to the headlines!
“Minneapolis polls to stay open an
additional hour to accommodate the long
lines of mayoral candidates voting for
***Oh hell no! His joke was funnier than mine!
#BrokenNews “Cops Search Man's Anus Multiple Times For Non-Existent Drugs” There are two victims here: the guy who’s anus kept getting searched and the schmuck rookie cop who kept having to go up in there.
I think I need a moment.
Let's do some bROkEN nEWs IN pICtUREs, shall we?
More headlines? Oh why the hell not!
#BrokenNews “Kathy Griffin: A Package From Jerry Seinfeld Gave Me 'Instant Diarrhea'” “Funny, I have the same reaction whenever I see Kathy Griffin,” says Anderson Cooper.
bigger” Maybe the super-snakes will eat the mega-zombies?
hurt sperm” On the other hand, sperm should
NEVER be added to bacon! Never!
And now a rebuttal from Blockbuster Video.
#BrokenNews “Pentagon Admits: Sharp Uptick In Military Sexual Assault” This information provided by the Pentagon's Dept. of Obvious Shit.****
****Commanded by Gen. No-Shit Sherlock.
Uh oh! Nobody got that? It's time for...
Back in the 1970's, Jimmy Carter was unaccountably elected President because the country was just that fed up with Tricky Dick Nixon and the whole Watergate thing. We're not really sure what it was Nixon was supposed to have done but it was bad enough to pre-empt lots of TV programming so we can watch a bunch of old white men drone on about some damn thing for another.
Anyway, I guess the United States was so desperate for someone who was NOT NIXON that we elected Jimmy Carter, former Governor of Georgia (the state in the USA, not the province of Russia which has nothing going for it except perma-frost and beets) and, before that, peanut farmer. Boy, there were a lot of peanut based jokes at Carter's expense. But the peanut farming was actually the LEAST of the embarrassing things about Jimmy Carter. There was his perpetually drunk brother Billy and there was the time Jimmy Carter was attacked by a rabbit.
Really. A rabbit.
Anyway, we apologize that once again we have tapped in the long and forgotten lore of the ancient 1970's for a joke.
Really, you gotta respect a woman who mans up to say, "I'm drawing the line! NO. MORE. CHEH!"
Man, I'm getting punchy! Is this like the longest bROkEN nEWs ever?
#BrokenNews “Man Claims It's His Constitutional Right To Take 'Upskirt' Photos” Maybe I’m a bit rusty on my US Constitution knowledge but which amendment guarantees the right to be a fucking asshole?
Since we started today's bROkEN nEWs with racism, let's end with racism by reminding you that today's bROkEN nEWs was brought to you by....
Racism stinks but you don't have to.
That's that for this Friday! Come back tomorrow for Doctor Who Saturday. And I have something cool that happened to me today that I want to post about on Sunday.
Until then....take us out, President Obama!