Sunday, January 12, 2014

This (Non) Sporting Life#2

Hi there and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You! I'm Dave-El and I believe I may have pulled a hamstring while jumping to a conclusion. 

When I first started this blog nearly a year ago, I wasn't sure what I would write about other than Doctor Who, comic books, movies, Doctor Who, stuff that irritated me, alleged humor and Doctor Who. I surely didn't figure I would write anything about sports. What I know about sports would fill a (insert metaphor for very tiny thing). How could I blog about something I know so little about? 

Well, that hasn't stopped me from the other posts I've made here at I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You. So in the words of the great Barney Stinson, "Challenge accepted!"

And now....

This (Non) Sporting Life#2

Play ball! 


This whole writing about sports thing started off last week when I wrote about my daughter's first basketball game as part of a church youth league. (Yesterday was a double header. I gotta tell you, it's very tiring, 2 straight basketball games, watching kids run up and down the court. I'm beat!)  

They have a really good coach. He has a "strong grasp of game fundamentals" (I picked that up from ESPN) but remembers he's dealing with 13 and 14 year old girls, most of whom played their first game ever last week. 

If I were in charge of a basketball team, I would only have two coaching strategies:

1) "Put the ball through the hoop!"
2) "Don't let the other guys put the ball through the hoop!"

I mean, at the end of the day, that's basically what basketball is, right? But it's made more complicated than this poor nonathletic mind can process. If I were somehow unfortunate enough to coach a basketball team, I would stand on the sidelines, eyes wide with madness, hair in a mess, randomly screaming, "Put the ball through the hoop!" 


College football has wrapped up for another year with the ACC's own Florida State taking the BCS National Championship crown. I'm not really attuned to college football that much unless some ACC teams get to go to some post-season bowl games. 

Bowl games used to have simple names: Rose Bowl, Sugar Bowl, Cotton Bowl, stuff like that. Then corporate sponsorship comes along and now the Rose Bowl is the Gatorade/Go Daddy Rose Bowl Brought To You By Dial Soap and Everready Batteries.  
I guess with the college football season and post season play in the review mirror,  the topic of  began trending on Twitter. 

So I jumped in with a few suggestions.  

The Kim Jong Un Killer Dog Bowl Sponsored By Crazy Rodman's Boutique of Weird Shit 

The Miley Cyrus Twerk Bowl 

The Elvis Presley Big Bowl of Ice Cream & Maybe Even a Football Game Bowl 

The Gay Marriage Bowl Sponsored by Christian Mingle 

The Polar Vortex Football-Hockey Mash-up Any Excuse For a Fight Bowl 

The NSA We Know the Game Plans Already Bowl Sponsored by Target

The Ted Cruz Canadian Bowl Sponsored by Tim Hortons 

The All Original Shia LeBeouf Bartlett's Quotations Bowl*

*It's actually suspiciously similar to the Ted Cruz Canadian Bowl Sponsored by Tim Hortons 


Jumping on a post-season bandwagon is something I do with the NFL too. But it helps when the Carolina Panthers are still in it. Which doesn't happen all that often. But yeah, NOW that they're winning, oh I'm pulling for the Panthers! I even know the names of players like quarterback Fig Newton. 

Juice Newton? 

Isaac-  ? 

Oh, look it's CAM NEWTON! (I knew that.)


Cam Newton

OK, THAT guy! 

Well, at least I'm not in the deep shit like Ric Flair, wrestling's "Nature Boy" and resident in the state of North Carolina. In fact, he lives in Charlotte and could probably walk to a Panthers game if he had a mind to. 

Instead he got on a plane and flew all the way across the country where he gave a pep talk to the San Francisco 49ers. Yeah, those 49ers, the ones playing the Panthers today as they each contend to make it to a conference championship and a trip to the Super Bowl. (Excuse me, the CarMax/Summer's Eve Super Bowl.)  

Well, you can imagine there are a lot of angry North Carolinians and I must remind you that a majority of the state is armed. 

So I may be a fair weather Panthers fan but at least I remember which state I live in and which way the wind is blowing. 


OK, I'm no Bob Costas but look it that, a few random topics tied up with a sports theme. Right, I'll take that as a win. 

For future installments of This (Non) Sporting Life, I will pontificate on...

  • The worst way to keep track of a baseball game
  • An analysis if board games can be counted as sport and 
  • My significant role in 8th grade volleyball.

Be good to one another.

And... Put the ball through the hoop!

Amended, 5:20 PM EST
49ers 23 Panthers 10

Well, that sucked.

Sigh! Not my weekend for sports what with Duke losing to Clemson (CLEMSON?!). To be honest, I really thought San Francisco had the edge over the Panthers but that Carolina really had a chance to make this happen today.

Alas, 'twas not to be.  However, considering most seasons have seen the Panthers watching the playoffs from the comfort of their respective living rooms, it was good to see the team actually be in contention this year.

Thanks for a great season, Carolina Panthers, and good luck next year.

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