Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Adventures of the Fightin' Five

The following is the fault of Aaron Meyers because....well, he started it with this post: 

Which prompted these tweets from your's truly:  
2 hours ago
"The Monster From the Abyss" Thrill to the adventure as the Fightin' Five battles James Cameron!"

 "Hey can I join?" "No we're the Fightin' Five" "But I have ninja skills, a laser gun, I can lift 10 times-" "I said FIVE kid!"

Since I am known never to let a good idea go to waste...or a bad idea for that matter....


Fate has brought together FIVE extraordinary men! 
  • Hank Hennesey
  • Tom-Tom
  • Irv the Nerve Haganah
  • Frenchy the Fox
  • Granite Gallero

Combined they form the heart of America's Super Squad! They are...


One day at the world famous HQ of the Fightin’ Five, a young man approaches the desk of Hank Hennesey who looks up to greet this visitor.
Hank: Yes, young man, how may I help you?

Bruce: Hello, Mr. Hennesey. My name is Bruce and I would like to join the Fightin’ Five!

Hank: You would like to join the Fightin’ Five?

Bruce: Yes, sir!

Hank: But you can’t join the Fightin’ Five!

Bruce: But I have considerable skills that I believe would aid you in your fight against injustice & evil!

Hank: It doesn’t matter. You can’t join the Fightin’ Five!

Bruce: Why not, sir?

Hank: Because we are the Fightin’ Five!

Bruce: And…?

Hank: So you understand why you can’t join the Fighin’ Five!

Bruce: No, sir, I don’t.

Hank: Sigh! Look, there are FIVE of us!

Bruce: And…?

Hank: And if we let you join, there would be SIX!

Bruce: But…

Hank: We can’t be the Fightin’ Five if there are SIX of us, now can we?

Bruce: But…

Hank: I mean, if we call ourselves the Fightin’ Five and there’s SIX of us, we would have no credibility.

Bruce: So call yourselves the Fightin’ Six.

Hank: The FIGHTIN’ SIX?! What sort of nonsense is that, the Fightin’ Six!

Bruce: Well…

Hank: You lose the whole alliterative quality of the Fightin’ Five!

Irv: Hey, Hank! What’s up?

Hank: This kid wants to join the Fightin’ Five!

Irv: WHAT? He can’t join the Fightin’ Five!

Hank: I know!

Irv: We can’t have six of us if we’re the Fighin’ Five!

Bruce: What’s wrong with the Fightin’ Six?

Irv: Of all the stupid…

Hank: He says he has certain skills.

Irv: Understanding the importance of alliteration is not one of them.

Tom-Tom: Hello, everybody!

Frenchy: Bonjour!

Granite: Uh, hi.

Tom-Tom: Who’s the kid?

Bruce: My name is Bruce.

Tom-Tom: Bruce, huh?

Hank: He wants to join the Fightin’ Five!

Tom-Tom: No way!

Frenchy: Non!

Granite: Uh, how come he can’t?

Irv: If we let him join, there would be six of us.

Tom-Tom: That would undermine our credibility.

Hank: Not to mention ruin that whole alliterative image we’ve established.

Frenchy: Oui!

Granite: Uh, but what can he do?

Irv: Does it matter?

Tom-Tom: Well, maybe we should hear him out.

Hank: Sigh! OK, fine! Kid, what can you do?

Bruce: I have mastered all fighting styles from boxing to the martial arts.

Irv: OK, what else?

Bruce: I am also an accomplished aerialist. I can traverse great distances and heights using a wide range of acrobatic skills.

Tom-Tom: That’s kind of cool.

Bruce: I also have developed and conditioned my mind to make me a top flight scientist, detective and engineer!

Granite: Uh, that’s pretty smart.

Bruce: I have created an armory of non-lethal but very effective weaponry.

Frenchy: Mon dieu!

Bruce: And whatever I can’t handle with my physical or mental abilities, I have an absurd amount of wealth to buy whatever I need.

Tom-Tom: Whew! I have to admit, that’s pretty amazing!

Irv: I gotta say, Hank, he would make a very valuable asset to the team.

Hank: Yeah, a team that is, if you will recall, is called the Fightin’ FIVE!

Tom-Tom: Yeah.

Frenchy: Oui!

Irv: Well, I guess we could…let someone go?

Hank & Tom-Tom: No!

Frenchy: Non!

Granite: Uh, what?

Irv: OK, OK, I’m not a big fan of the idea but…geez! This guy is really good!

Hank: Well…I suppose he is.

Granite: Uh, so…uh, who do we…let go?

Hank, Irv & Tom-Tom: Frenchy!

Frenchy: Sacre bleu!

Granite: Uh, what?

Bruce: Wait a minute, guys!

Tom-Tom: No offense, Frenchy!

Irv: You know, we’ve needed to shake this team up for a while now!

Hank: This is going to be great!

Frenchy: NON!

Bruce: Hold up, everybody!

Tom-Tom: What? You’re in, kid! You’re in the Fightin’ Five!

Hank: Well, as soon as we clear out Frenchy’s locker…

Frenchy: Mon dieu!

Bruce: No, no! Look I don’t want to break up the Fightin’ Five!

Irv: You’re not breaking up the Fightin’ Five. We’ll still be the Fightin’ Five!

Bruce: But a Fightin’ Five without Frenchy? That would be unheard of. 

Frenchy: Qui!

Hank: We’re willing to give it a shot.

Frenchy: Non!

Bruce: No, I think my path is taking me elsewhere. I need to go back home.

Hank: But kid…

Bruce: Think about my future. Maybe take care of that problem with the bats flitting all over the place.

Irv: C’mon, Bruce!

Bruce: No, I must go! Thank you, Fightin’ Five, and good luck.

Tom-Tom: Kid, wait…

Granite: Uh, he’s gone now.

Hank: Yeah. Yeah, he’s gone now.

Irv: So what now?

Hank: We go back to work, fightin’ the forces of evil as…

Hank, Irv, Tom-Tom & Granite: THE FIGHTIN’ FIVE!!

Tom-Tom: Hey, where did Frenchy go?

Irv: You don’t think he’s mad at us, do you?

Tom-Tom: Nah. But just in case…

Granite: Uh, what?

Tom-Tom: How do you all feel about… the Fightin’ FOUR?

Hank: The Fightin' FOUR?!? Are you crazy? 
---the end---

And so ends today's tale of suspense and adventure! But don't despair, more adventures are coming. We have not seen the last of...


Until next time, be good to one another. 

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