Thursday, January 8, 2015

Attack of the 50 Ft. Kirby Delauter

Hey there!

Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog with more Kirby Delauter  than ever before! I'm Dave-El and I hope you're having a Kirby Delauter day!

OK, who the hell is Kirby Delauter ? Good question: Kirby Delauter  is a county commissioner in Frederick County, Maryland who took issue with the local paper, The Frederick News-Post, for using his name in without his permission in their coverage of the county commissioners. 

Ponder that a moment. 

Kirby Delauter  is one of those hard right nut cases who get elected to local government offices with the idea that one day he can climb the ladder higher and higher, maybe even to Washington DC to put an end once and for all to these scumbucket liberal Obama-lovers. 

So this brainiac, who in case you forgot is Kirby Delauter , takes issue with the Frederick News-Post and its liberal agenda using his name (Kirby Delauter ) without permission from Kirby Delauter    

I'll save you the trouble of checking through those journalism textbooks that I'm sure you saved from your college days: that's not a thing. The name of a public figure (such as Kirby Delauter )can be used in news reporting without any special permission granted  (from, for example, Kirby Delauter )

So the Frederick News-Post decided to answer Kirby Delauter 's challenge; check out this editorial. Yes, it's funny as hell but it also makes a serious point about the role of journalism in a free society. And pay attention to the first letter of each paragraph for a special bonus. 

When reading the editorial, also go to the link regarding Kirby Delauter  at the commissioners' swearing in wherein Kirby Delauter used 15 of his allotted 2 minutes to deliver his remarks. Be sure to read the Kirby Delauter  comments. 

And after laughing at this bozo for awhile, stop because here's a thought that is decidedly not funny: Kirby Delauter  is not an isolated occurrence; hell, Kirby Delauter isn't the only fucked up nut job on the Frederick County Commissioners. Almost every area of the country has a Kirby Delauter , a wind up Tea Party zombie who can only spout talking points and conservative cliches. Thanks to gerrymandering all over the country, a Kirby Delauter can win in GOP protected districts with no serious challengers. 

Yep, somewhere on your city council or your school board or in your state house, you will find Kirby Delauter r. 


Mocking the thinking impaired like Kirby Delauter  for their misguided attacks on the media while worthy of analysis is also very funny.  Then something like this comes along and suddenly, it's not funny anymore.  

Masked gunmen attacked the Paris offices of satirical weekly newspaper Charlie Hebdo on Wednesday, killing 12 people before fleeing.

This cowardly act of murder was reportedly committed by radical Islamists who were upset....OK, very, very, very upset over the paper's use of images of the grand poobah of Muslim prophets, Muhammad.  

Now let me put this in context for you. Let's say MAD Magazine publishes a parody of a 1960's beach party movie with Jesus Christ as a hot-dogging surfboard king. As a person raised in a Christian home, I might find that offensive, sacrilegious. So with a furious explosion of righteous rage, I...cancel my subscription to MAD Magazine

What? I'm supposed to shoot up the offices of MAD Magazine? Really? Kill the Usual Gang of Idiots? Oh come on, it's not like Jesus on a surfboard* is going to undermine someone's faith. Truly, if your faith in Jesus is shaken by a MAD parody, your faith is sadly on very shaky ground.**

*Jesus walked on water. Dude could surf with his feet. Surfboard not required. 
**Also on shaky ground: my grasp of current pop culture. MAD Magazine? Am i writing this in 1965?  

But Islam is kind of particular about this sort of thing with the Koran saying not to use images of the Prophet Muhammad. OK, that sounds a little draconian to me but hell, it's your religion. If you want to stop your Muslim kids from swapping 3-D trading cards of the Prophet with his stats on the back*, that's your deal. 

*RBI = 37 if you must know 

But there's this extreme view amongst radical Islamists who turn the slightest offense into an excuse for slaughter and the tenets of Islam are mandatory for everyone. I don't send chocolate Easter Bunnies to Jews and Jews don't forcibly drag me to seder. Why does everyone have to follow what the Koran says if everyone is not Muslim? 

These dickless cowards with their masked faces proclaiming, "we have avenged the prophet" are small minded in the manner of Kirby Delauter  but they have guns and a propensity to use them because they are too stupid to think of another way to further they goals, whatever they may be. These dick deficient assholes have no agenda other than spill blood and spread fear.*

*They also have no dicks. 

I've heard that Islam is supposed to be a religion of peace. If that is true, then how can Muhammad have really wanted blood to be shed this way? These cowards have acted in the most horrible way against the very foundation of their religion. 


Last night I noticed #NAACPBombing was trending on Twitter. In fact, it was at the top of the list. And I wondered, "What NAACP Bombing?" I checked out various Tweets and found a uniform theme: a lot of people had no idea what was going on. Not just me but a lot of people were asking the same thing, "What NAACP Bombing?" 

I checked various mainstream news media outlets and here's where I finally found something on CNN's website about the NAACP bombing. 

So the good news: no one was killed or even seriously hurt so thank God for that. But still a firebomb in 21st century America hurled at the offices of an organization that seeks and defends the civil liberties of African-Americans and no one thinks this is worthy of note? In this racially charged environment, it takes a nearly 24 hour cycle to pop up on the radar of mainstream media? 

There is something askew about this picture. 


Ok, that's enough rambling for me. Tomorrow I'm back with another new post. Until then, remember to be good to one another.

Oh, and don't forget Kirby Delauter 

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