Sunday, January 11, 2015

This (Non) Sporting Life: So That's Not Happening...

Hi! Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, home of This (Non) Sporting Life, the blog post about sports by a guy who does not know a lot about sports. 

I want to follow up on some stuff I touched on in last week's post.  


My daughter's church league basketball team did not lose on Saturday. They accomplished this task by not playing. No, they didn't forfeit a game nor was a game cancelled. There simply wasn't a game. 

Now for those keeping score at home, this is how Miranda's basketball season has progressed. 

  • Week one: team plays first game of the season but has not had first practice. 
  • Week two: team has first practice but there is no game scheduled.  

So I'm not holding out much hope for my daughter developing mad b-ball skills and later in life pulling down some of that sweet, sweet WNBA money.*

*Yes, I know there's no such thing as "that sweet, sweet WNBA money". 


Last week I posted on Twitter my appreciation of Duke's victory over Boston College and I got this response.  

 UofL can't wait to shred the Dukies in the Yum Center

Duke doesn't play UofL* (which I have confirmed does mean Louisville) yet; this weekend it was Carolina's turn. The UNC Tarheels got past the Cardinals of Louisville with a game winning basket from Marcus Paige. (Oooh, I almost sound like a sports...knowing stuff guy.) 

I guess I could take this opportunity to get into @KWBLAIR's face with a "You gonna shred Duke and you can't get past Carolina? What!!!" except I just know that will backfire. I'm just not cut out for the trash-talking game. I really can't handle this pressure!
Damn you, @KWBLAIR!!!


Also last week, the Caroline Panthers beat Arizona to advance to Saturday's play off game against the Seattle Seahawks.  Despite slipping into the playoffs with a 7-8-1 record (and come on, that's just like an 8-8 record, right?), there seemed to be some serious momentum as the Panthers were doing the right things and looked like maybe they just might be able to....

OK, that's not good but it's early yet. Do NOT count the Panthers out yet!  

See, I told ya! Oh, yeah, the Panthers are on the PROWL, baby, and the Seahawks can just...

Maybe I'm not seeing all there is to see here but being shut out does not sound like holding on. But, you know, I am the guy who does not know a lot about sports. Maybe, just maybe, the Panthers are setting up the Seahawks and will totally dominate them in the 2nd...
Yeah. I thought so. 


While perusing the write up on the Panthers/Seahawks game, this popped up among the ads on the right side of the screen. 

This does NOT speak well of the kind of cookies that my computer picks up that makes the internet think this kind of ad is for me. But there are SO many questions. 
  • Just how old is this woman? I know I'm supposed to be focused on the legs and the breasts (hmmmm! chicken!) but I can't stop looking at her neck. I mean, look at it! 
  • Those breasts can't be real, can they? I mean, each boob has got to have it's own gravitational field. I have a nightmare vision of her breasts expanding and bursting through the tight fabric of whatever it is she's wearing as the National Guard is called out to protect us from the ravaging super knockers that are destroying the countryside. 
  • Since there is no credit card required, am I safe in assuming this will be a cash transaction?

Well that's enough for today's post. Maybe next week I'll post another edition of This (Non) Sporting Life when I answer such questions as: 
  • Will my daughter get to practice for then play a basketball game?
  • Why can't there be sweet, sweet WNBA money?
  • Will I continue to rely on Duke basketball to unjustly bolster my self-esteem?
  • Will that one Tweet from @KWBLAIR continue to torment me? 
  • Will Cam Newton now have time to shop for better fitting pants? 
  • Does anybody else have a craving for chicken? 
Until then, be good to one another. 

"But I like these pants!"

Lois Lane Vs. Lana Lang

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